testing

i think utube is jammed with videos today.

2008

2008 sounds like a movie title. after all there were the "300" and the "2046", why not 2008? haha...

what will it be like, if ur 2008 is filled with interesting characters and hot steamy hotel scenes? haha... or what if ur 2008 is filled with gore and blood? will that make u filled with more enthusiasm for the yr of 2008? maybe...maybe...

otherwise, i bet lots of us will be thinking... 2008 will be yet another yr of increasing pollution, more talks of inflation and rise in oil prices, etc. the monkeys in bt timah will continue to thrive, tigers in china will still face the risk of extinction and there will still be pple jumping onto the mrt tracks. whatelse can be new?! a heaven shaking, earth splitting discovery in the cure for AIDS or cancer?! or having an actor/ actress taking up political post in the government?..ops... that already happened isn't it? Pres.Regan and Governer Schwarzenegger are great examples. hmm... the earth is round, so everything is possible, yes?

what do u intend to do for 2008?
->shed that love-handles? (aiyo... they had been with u for so long, can u truly bear to throw them out of the window just like that? =P)
->adopt a 3rd world country kid and contribute to his/her study fund by mailing US$5 every month to ensure his/her well being? (wow! that's noble! hopefully that will indeed make the world a better place to be in)
->sign up as a grassroot leader in ur community to give back to the society? (he..loo... r u sure, its really not to gain a better chance for ur kid to get into that 'dream' primary school?)

ops... it seems like i have plenty to say for all those possibilities. such a wet blanket, right? before u think of wringing my neck for being such an idiot, have mercy! lets all take a deep breath, close our eyes and think of those brightly coloured pretty flowers of the spring. imagine that crispy smell of newly mowed lawn and the smell of rain. giggling sound of those toddlers in the park and the taste of juicy tangerines bursting in ur mouth! not to mention the soft, smooth, rosy, perky cheeks of a newborn. hmm.... aren't these simple tiny details the reason why life is worth the living? =)

so to all my dear friends and blog-hoppers... HAVE A GREAT 2008!! may u give thanks to every moment of ur breath.

@ random

after a period of intensed days of watching "que sera sera" online, it had finally hit the stores in Sg! yipeee.... right now, the casts of "que sera sera" are looking at me while i type this post. haha.. yes...yes... i bought the set even though i had watch the show already. =P

watching the show makes me wonder... in real life will there be really someone who is willing to just break up a relationship (even if it is still in the honeymoon period) to be with someone richer? hm... and for someone to marry lady A while still being in love with lady B would it make the man unfaithful from the start? haha... typical Kdrama storyline. *shake head*

thank u

although i don't get a lot of comments online. i know a handful of u do visit my blog on irregular base. hahaha... at least u do come back every now and then that's quite enough and satisfying for me. (see...didn't i tell u i am easily contended?)

encounters
its an encouragement for me to receive a comment from someone telling me that she finds my blog easy-reading. haha... although she pointed out that i tend to blog LONG LONG entry which bores her. haha... yah, i realised that too. but what to do? i am talkative mah. when i asked her didn't she find my blog filled with mistakes, she said it was fine. haha... if 'cher thinks its ok, i think i didn't do too badly lah. =P

a friend came up to be and encouraged me recently regarding my "complaints" on my workplace. she re-ensured me that its normal for people to vent their emotions and its actually good in certain ways. =) but i think my problem with the work is not just complaints alone. i think i am suffering from stress and burnt out. i am still thinking if i ought to blog abt these factors. i had yet to overcome these issues so maybe when i am better, i would. =_=

then there are the vast majority that are plain concern abt this friend of theirs. =) its almost like magic how my friends whom i had not met for months and months seems to be so updated with my life! when we meet after a long time, we will just chat abt events as if we had been chatting on the phone just yesterday! haha.. weird but wonderful feelings. if only those friends keep a blog too. =[

a stranger came across my blog and since she was stepping into a path similar to mine, she read thru my blog entries. oh... she did a career switch too, from (i unknown what) to be a nurse. and she commented via a mail that she felt that i am losing the passion and interest in nursing in my recent entries vs my past entries. had i? i don't think i had lost any of those but .... well... i think she will eventually understand that nursing is not a bed of roses and its not as perfect as we had wanted and dreamt it to be. if JK and KK are reading these, they will smirk and say "see...our ever optimist est is finally jaded liao!" haha... my answer is... i still love my job and i still think its a noble work! haha... pt needs us, and we provide beyond clinical care but emotional support and ward base entertainment too! hahaha... =P

so my dear friends/readers... if u would like to comment feel free to do so. =)

am i ill?

its a wonderful feeling being on leave. sleeping late and waking up equally late. with little to thinking abt. how great can life be? ask i typed this question i realised life CAN be greater than sleeping and lazing in the house. where had all my energy been?!

recently i kept having giddiness spells and wanting to vomit. but rest ensured... i am NOT preg. so u don't need to start saving up for baby gifts! LOL. i suspect i have anaemia. when i flip my eyes lids downwards, the skin is white! and if my assessment is right, my Hb count must be really low. hmm... feels like a 6 to 7. apart from the feeling of giddiness, wanting to vomit and feeling weaker than usual, i am fine. thus i am not seeing a doctor yet. maybe wait til i pass out in the house or start having short of breath then i will admit myself in to the hospital and get blood transfusion?!

conclusion... i think i am not as healthy as i think i am =(

rumbles

thought of writting something but nothing flows in and through my brain. so... since there isn't anything to say, i shall do the standard hallmark stuff... Merry Xmas and Happy New Year pple

audit a casenote a day drive

with the impending recertification for the organisation, we are reminded to make sure our work are right 1st time and all the time. documentation must be in place, policies must be followed with zero errors. to police all these, a new project was launched.everyone that does in-charge work must audit 1 case per shift.

while i welcome the move with great expectation (that everyone will indeed do their work right-so that the rest don't have to help clear shit) there are still pple missing out stuff. eg. with the insertation of new plug, ngt, idc - dates that were supposed to be entered into the NCR were missing! date of ref for OT, PT, MSW, other disciplines b/l and etc are still BLANK too! if someone care enough to write in the date of ref, the other someone will happily ignore the date seen portion. then how?? while auditing the case, to prevent wasting time tracing and waiting for the whoever to do it, we waste our own time tracking down the dates and entering it in ourselves.

today i am guest appearing in another room again. this room had a really messy and overcrowded old notes cupboard. so since i am on PM shift and its the duty of the PM shift person to help clear the old notes cupboard, i did. after clearing... the cupboard was at least 1/2 emptied and finally neat. what was the previous PM girls doing?! i don't blame the guest appearance staff for not doing it cuz its not their room to take ownship of. but what abt the room's existing team members? being a guest appearance staff often makes me shake my head. *sigh*

but if the same happens in my own room... and my team leader thinks its alright (she will grumble and says its not our job lar, why we need to do this and why the policy need these and that lar...blah blah blah). i will not just shake my head... i will hit my chest sia!!! just where are all the standards nowadays!? SHAPE UP UR ACT PPLE!

i may not be always right but if the right practises are kept only in the intranet and never practise or reinforce...wat's the use of it in the 1st place?

while the different shift uphold the spirit of communication- passing the important orders and care for each of our patients, should not the general managment of the ward too? communicate to those pple wat are the basic requirement of each individual of their role in the workplace. i may sound so structured and going by the book but... it seems pple just like to take advantage of "relational helping".

my theory...
如果我帮您是人情
如果我不帮您是应该

yes... i think i am very unfriendly in my thots today.

"pay it forward"?!

someone pissed me off today at work with her 没大没小 attitude. she is on my HITTING list! i think i am evil. part of me wants "this" me to stop plotting how to grill her... yet "this" me is just so damn piss...over what? i can't remember now. just know that i am still very pissed!

i realise i may have some problem understanding other enthic group. but its not all of those in that enthic group! it must be the upbringing of these kids nowadays. feel like whacking them on the head and teaching them basic principles eg-respect, humble and teachability.

joy

joy is not the absence of suffering but the pressence of God. =)

the beatitudes
...
blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted
blessed are those who are gentle and lowly, for the whole world will belong to them
blessed are those awho are hungry and thirsty for justics, for they will receive it in full
blessed are those who are merciful, for they will be shown mercy
blessed are those whose hearts are pure, for they will see God
blessed are those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God
blessed are those who are perscuted because they live for God, for the Kingdom of Heaven is theirs
Matt 5:4-10

说谎 - liar

liar liar pants on fire! JK, Eric, Bee and Juv... all of u r terrible people! say want to meet up but never arrange, wait arrange liao then all can't make it!

so long never meet liao also never miss each other one! must be having fun at ur own ward leh... idiots... when r we meeting?! *sulk* i hope it won't be the time when Juv's baby give birth to a baby wor...

why blog?

why do we blog? i wonder what are the different motives and driving forces behind everyone's blogging stride.

mine is simple. i enjoy thinking and all those thinking got to be downloaded somewhere! if i keep them all in i might go crazy! thus to "save" myself aging brain cells i blog. once out of the system, i am at rest and peace with all around me. woman vent their emotions (saddness or angry) by talking while man withdraw (or sleep) away from the problem. our problem solving are a little different. but i gladly combine the 2! i withdraw from the problem and blog (talk) about it. the only different is... i don't bother anyone to listen as i speak. i find this method less time consuming! i don't end up wasting anyone's time bearing with my complaints.

while blog i think, i think about how i ought to construct my statements and what words to use to best describe my emotion and that situation. these thinking comsume my energy and by the end of a blog entry the energy that was channeled to make my blood boils and temper flared would had died down. cuz i had spent too much energy thinking of other stuff. thus thus... blogging not only provided me a channel of ventation, it is also a great way to release the daily tension of life. =)

after a session with the TM club today i got to know of a blogsite call "iamkia.com" wow... the blog was so full of "how to" instructions. i bet this person secretly wish to be a teacher of sort! hahaha... sorry if i had been too caustic. but its quite a good site to dig in for presentation topics! =P he had literally spell out the entire speech in the blog! heehee... if he permit maybe u can ever "use" his prepared speeches?! but that is between u and him! =)

have fun blogging! i know i do! =) cheers...

not in good terms?

someone (if fact it was 3 someones) asked me if i was in bad terms with Karen. i wonder why they asked that and i asked them "why?". the person just replied that she thinks that i get along well with almost everyone but i seems to be really indifferent towards Karen. no smile and all.

hmm... that got me thinking. am i in bad terms with her? why? and when did that happens? i have a slight idea of that but the fact was i am not in bad terms with her nor do i dislike her. heheee... i think my stand is... she is my collegue and that is about all. i don't quite believe in being ultra super close with all of my collegues. quite unlike "1 mountain" who is almost lovable and at the same time loving everyone.

i am not in bad terms with Karen but i am rather plain in my expression with her. i don't particularly like her tone of speech and she dislike my joker ways. 1 action breeds another action. so with me not smiling, she respond with straight direct speeches directed towards me. maybe she had been going around saying stuff about me but i really don't think i had been really that bad. i might had featured her a couple of times here in my blog but to speak about her in the ward... nah... the nursing world is too small to bitch about another person. one never knows who are listening. but still if someone from the ward stumble on this blog and read this entry, decided to spread the "love" around. i have nothing to say. posting it online has its riskes and i gladly accepted it.

but if that person would love to take it out of context and spread rumors like wildfire, my consious is clear. i am just saying how i feel. emotions are subjective. the judgement is up to you.

PEACE

everyday is a happy day!

i think our rm28 is finally more settled. no more problematic cases, although those cases are still around they are no longer a headache anymore! yippeee... the current problems are more of a medical and illness related issue, so its fair... afterall its a hospital for crying out loud!

today i had 3 discharges and out of which there was a suppose to be B2 patient; she became C class due to lack of available bed in B2 setting. her family requested for a B2 immediately when she arrived from A&E but i told them that there were none available but we will follow up on it and transfer her up when its available. family noted. the patient was very well, ADL independent but was CRIB and NBM cuz she had a fall and a skull fracture. poor old lady can't eat nor drink, have fever also can't take panadol. but once she started drinking and took her pandol, she was well! THE MAGIC PILL...PANADOL! hahaha...

so why did i mention the B and C class thing? i realise that people still have the idea that if they are in C class they will be treated less of a human and the serving in the C class setting will be slow, not up to standard and patients are always dirty and unattended to. WRONG THINKING! a couple of those re-admitted patients which had no beds in B class came to our C class ward and commented how our service was so much better. we spent more time with them, provided more patient education and the patient felt more cared for in our ward! =)

so if our ward gave such great service why aren't we highlighted, praised and appreciated more often?! cuz... B class patients and their relatives are more educated. on discharge these people attend to comment more on the feedback form, write letter or cards and even buy cakes and fruits! i had been attached to B class wards before, i know. while C class patients are less "showy" in that sense but their heart-felt gratitude is real and sincere, its so dense that one can sense it without having to ask. =)

i felt patients in B class setting have a very professional relationship with their caregivers... i am patient (customer) and u r missy (service provider) so if u did a good job, i will reward u (of cuz there are those that expect u to service well regardless of ... cuz they had paid that sort of money liao lor) patients in C class may initially comes in with the idea that nurses in C class are terrible and if they don't listen to the nurses they will be left to shit in their pants til the next morning's mass shower! (mass shower = everyone standing in 1 line and kena sprayed water on!) but after staying here and realised that it was not the case, they will joke and talk with the nurses (but often its the nurses that go and KPO the patient 1st! hahaha) thus our patients tends to leave the ward with the idea that she (patient) had made a few good friends (nurses) during this period of boring and blood sucking days of her life.

the suppose to be B class patient on discharge gave us chocolate, fruits and a card. i am pleasently surprise and exteremly glad. i felt that everyone in rm28 deserved a pat on the back...after all those nasty events of phlebitis, pt fall, family complaints and stuff.

although i am happy for the outward token of appreciation, will i opt to leave the C class setting for a B class setting in lure of these "thanksgiving"? i think maybe not, i like to be sincerely treating people not having to bear with silly demand of patients who think they had paid enough to demand nurses to be their personalised maid! i like being a C class nurse. i like serving sweet old grannies that are beautiful and graceful with tons of life-stories to tell. i love being called "xiao-mei" or being told how my fair smooth skin was just like theirs once upon a time. =) yes... i am proud to be a C class missy. =)

but of cuz... it never harm to have a few more supposed to be B class patients around once in a while to make us feel good and appreciated in tangible terms. =P

ps- it felt like a sunday these few days... cuz drs' order had been a breeze and pts are all so cheery and nice! =) *Happy*

me toilet bowl? hehee...

my previous entry rambles abt how i was clearing shit and that the next morning will be a great big unknown to me.

slept at abt 2am, woke up at 5am. reach ward at 10 minutes to 6am. completed all my medication IV and oral by 7.30am. i came earlier cuz i wan't to space out enough time to follow the round of those "problematic" cases and to receive scolding while still have ample time to do my changes, take bloods and write reports. but... 人算不如天算!

God was so graceful and merciful to me! thank You, Jesus! the Drs didn't scream at me regarding the late despatch for bed 3. they did ask but that was all. everyone was in a good mood. the consulatant for bed 11 was on post call and she didn't even notice abt the pre-HD bloods thing. thus she didn't demand anything. thank God! bed 11 will be going to HD on tuesday so we will do it again then. the great thing is that she had remain aferbile for the past few days so c/s isn't that top priority now. the dengue specimen for bed 7 which was extra didn't get its due attention too. cuz the patient is already +ve for that with the result from the 1st specimen.

on top of it, my jr was great! i think i had worked them to death! i pity V and my baby. but i also got help lor. i brought 2 patients for showers, sponged 1 and toke bloods and get plugs. =) but my poor jr did their charts, 4 dressings (thank God, all are simple ones) and 5 sponging! on top of that V also helped me with the h/c. she is really nice and i felt bad being so 'lazy'. apart from the bld c/s cuz pt kept having high temp (which could be due to a faulty themometer) there aren't too much orders. =) i am pleasently surprise cuz our consultant today is known for being very detail and loves ordering LOTS of changes!!

today is a good day overall speaking. 1 d/c that was easy and straight-forward, good pts and a peaceful room. but for my neighbour room... it was another story! a loud and VERY VERY angry man- shouting over some trivial matter... i pity my dear Alvin. but that i will save for another entry! =)

clearing shit ...again

yes, as my post had it... i had taken over shit from the previous shift yet again. i can almost envision myself being F@cK and screamed at by a few big shots tomorrow AM! *sigh* what else can i say?! its too common for such shit to happen lor...

Ag NC M was so amazed that i was so "cool" but i suppose that's because she had not had too much interaction with this infamous lady, that's why. Ag NC M was away for her adv. dip that was why lah... eventually it will come a time when nothing will surprise her anymore. =P

although the infamous lady M tried to make me feel better by telling me that she will be most willingly to be trashed by me tomorrow when i pass over to her, i replied in my most straight and black face "but the intensity will never be the same". true right? i should had replied "no lar, don't worry" if i wanted to let her feel better. but why should i? honestly, it seems rather evil of me to be that but why must i sugar-coat a mistake for someone who always get others and herself into trouble? why can't she learn? yah, it true that the mistaken had been made and that the event is over. there isn't anything left for us to do but to wait to see what will be of our 'fate' tomorrow. still... i have lots to learn and improve for my patience!

i came home and prayed for protection for mainly the shit that will be dished out tomorrow. but God is forever so willingly to love and comfort (despite of... He is really amazing sia...)!

Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down in peace and sleep, for You alone, O Lord will keep me safe" i think i will not think too much of it and sleep. whatever comes from the Drs i will gladly take it. will i trash infamous lady M? i might but maybe God will protect me so much that i can pass over happy like a doe?! i certainly wish i can! =)

getting over it...

1 pt whom i love dearly had discharged. i am glad for her yet i didn't managed to say byebye to her. i don't wish to see her in the ward again so i think i won't get the chance to say byebye to her ever again. =(

her condition was a common thing and to see her stay for awhile is just as normal. but the MRSA and the Virus shit makes me angry, if not those these and that she would had been long discharged. then... came the earth shaking news. there was a mass somewhere in her organ. not sure if those were as affected but i was. i was very! so affected that i don't know how to face her, what to say to her. i was so sad. because i was sad and unsure of how to face the new diagnosis and her, i missed the chance to sit and speak to her before she was discharged. ='(

i wish her well and will always keep her in my prayers. at least thru this i learnt 1 simply lesson- not to waste time. we can keep feeling sad and angry for whatever happenings but while doing so we are in fact precious time in doing such worthless things. we should look beyond our feelings at times and do what would be better- spending more time and caring for each other more.

He will make us whole

a patient passed away suddenly last night. she was chatty, very lovable and cute person. despite being all old and chairfast, she was well groom, often sweet smelling and the condition of her skin....wow... smooth and fair! life had been well with her, i bet she had been good person, gentle in spirit too. =)

i remembered her cuz she had an easy to remember name and she is one of those very nice lady. err... pretty too. hehehee.. i have a soft spot for warm ladies which reminds me of my own mummy and for pretty, lovely ladies that had aged gracefully. =) pt_Lu belonged the later. =)

pt_Lu was still breathing and talking 2 hours ago before her "byebye". asking my friend to off her fan but 2 hours later, while the girls were changing her...she was unresponsive. she was still warm but she wasn't replying to the girls. =( since i wasn't caring for her room, what i got to know was from my friends. poor student missy... her 1st "packing" started this way, heard she was badly shaken.

we were called in to help and i went. she was an active resus case. we did cpr, pump in oxygen and meds in attempt to bring her back. but it was too late. she was gone. she looked peaceful and i felt peace while pumping her. i knew she is with God, she was a believer. =)

after the event, i went back to my room. while washing my face, i had an image going thru my eyes. pt_Lu was outside a medical checkup room and while being checked, the "dr' said that she had xxxxxx problems and after that, she was healed. i "saw" her walking and smiling. i am sure she is whole again, just like we all know... there will be no sadness nor illness in Heaven! =) i glad she is well now and that she will be happy.

after night shift, i left for church. *excited* yippee!!! its communion weekend! that means there is grape-juice and wafers! hahaha... i love freebies so i am always thrilled by communion weekends! hahaha.... and most of all its a time to be grateful for His work on the cross and also a reminder for me that with Him all things are possible! while partaking the communion, i was reminded of pt_Lu, how she would be missing her communion. then God reminded me... pt_Lu won't need that symbol of Christ's body and blood that he had shed for us... pt_Lu will be dinning with Christ and God and all the saints herself, in person!!! now... isn't that more awesome than these plastic cups and crispy wafers?! heehee... =) i bet that would be damn cool...

this is 1 sudden death case that left me with the feeling of peace and serenity. =) PEACE BABY!

i am a "mummy"

have u heard abt it? i am a mummy...... to a student nurse (PRCP). she is a fair skin, slim and sweet young thing of 1.6-1.63m tall. wears specs, long black hair (no idea how long though) that is always neatly tied up in a bun. a malaysian-SG PR. she is a very cautious, shy and soft-spoken girl. a typical girl-next-door sort.

i was not her "birth mummy" it was aini but since their schedule was not very matching, this student was handed over to my care. hahaha... so i am her "adopted mummy" haha....

although she is not a very strong and fast learner, i think she is a keen learner with very positive outlook. she is very helpful too. =) she had been with us for barely a month yet i must had worked her to death! i wonder how she is taking it. =_=?! but of cuz, she never once grumble. she better stay that way! cuz i will be really offended if any them do! i will scream... @ them "u guys are here to learn one leh! give u learning opportunities still want to grumble?! we can complete our work faster and maybe better without having to keep u pple at the back of our mind, sia!"

still... it must be stressful for any student to do their PRCP lar... while trying their best to perform well, they have to get use to the environment, people, pts and all those orders vs forms vs tubes sort of shit. i was a student once and i knew it. my style of working- i like to process thoughts and work things out on my own before asking for help so i expect the same of my student girl- independent and confident. so i had been piling her with information and notes. *sigh* sometime i pity her too. but if we really take things easy and slow... we will never get to the mark in time!

my plan for her is for her to suffer thru intensive training for the first 6 weeks and then she ought to be able to function on her. but on second thot she has her own life to lead apart from nursing alone mah. am i expecting her to forgo her leisure time in reading up on meds and remembering FBC=purple (EDTA) tube, ECG + CE is every 8hrly?! *dilema*

i want to study....

a few months ago, i blog abt wanting to do my advance dip but was rejected because i had not been in the force for 2 yrs. thus not meeting the requirement (according to my manager). for that i was very piss and upset. i complaint that i am old and does not have much time to waste around, blah blah blah...

just yesterday, my acting NC told me that i am allow for the application afterall! i can apply for the advance dip and Ms Tan (our boss's boss) mentioned that i could along with the normal diploma girls. cuz the girls passed out 2-3months before me, so i am seen as 'less experience' as them. when i heard that i felt a little unhappy all over again. initially when i heard it, i said "yes, i am interested" but on 2nd thots, i rejected the offer.

my hubby thot i am crazy to reject it. since the bond is only 1 yr compared to the previous 2 yrs; plus i am now eligible for application. but my thot was different. no.1- i had already apply for my deg and no.2- if i apply for med-surg/ ICU, sure won't be able to get it. but if i take geron (old folk studies) i may stand a better chance. but i don't want to do that subject! my 20-30 yrs plan does not involve nursing home nor nursing dementia pt. in fact, i am not very good with senile pts. i find it sad (for the pt) and humiliating (from a pt point of view) to be treat like a baby or being restrained. but such treatment are necessary to keep them safe.

so my plan will remain as it had been til God tell me otherwise. =) keep me safe in ur prayers as i pray for u my friend.... take care!

Kmovie- Changing Partners(2007)

just watched a Korean movie, by accident. interesting to bump into it by accident. was actually watching some taiwanese variety show and then saw this korean movie's trailer. since it features the actress from "get karl" and the actor from "sweet 18" i decided to watch it. and i did.

Changing Partners Trailer

the story talks abt how 2 couples got into a fling and they eventually went into adultary with each other's spouses. although only 1 pair had the actual intercourse, while the other pair didn't. the other pair to me was just as gulity. they are gotten so emotionally involved with each other that to me was almost like they were dating. of cuz the other pair which was involved both emotionally and physically had be boiling mad at some point. but the characters were all goody-goody sort so... it was hard for me to hate anyone of them.

i pity the woman who refused to step pass the line to get involve physically with the other guy cuz she was mindful of her marriage and she rejected the temptation by saying she can't live without her hubby only to find out next that her hubby had cheated on her. and damn it! not only did her hubby later confessed to her and broke her heart, she took him back and even propose they should have a baby?! although nobody (technically so) knew of the 4's relationship, as in who was cheating on who... the truth reveal itself later at the end.

the scene where the 2 women fell into the river had me panicked for a while. yes, both the men jumped into the water but what if... 2 men decided to save the same woman?! but thanksfully none of that happened. so the outcome was that all 4 of them went their separent ways (left their spouse) but didn't get together. much later... they met again at a funneral of a common friend's dad's. their feeling were pretty much the same so they went on to pursude the 'forbidden' love only that now its all legal and right...

it led me to think of a few things. its true that a married couple normally won't get to feel all excited seeing each other as much as their dating time. but does that means love is gone? does getting use to each other means that there is no more passion in the marriage? just because someone comes along and offer excitment and newness to the monotone life does that means she/he is the one that you should be with?!

i seriously think its all crap to think that the new person is THE one. cuz maybe after 5 to 7 yrs with THE (new) one, another new person may pop in and will that be the end of the 2nd relationship and the start of the 3rd?! its all a misconception!!! in our search of happiness, i think many had lost the real meaning of happiness and joy. thus with all those martial problems. of cuz there are real issues but if we shift thru them how many are due to such wrong thinking (aka self thots)? *sigh*

from the movies that i had watched so far, korean seems to be very open abt such issue of affairs and adultary. is it a reflection of an open society or something more than that? hmm...

Angry

recently the ward had been thru a terrible time! there are so many death and near death cases in a short span of 1-2 months! and there was even a fall, although no animal and human hurt. still RMS and all those shit involved sucked my energy out!

because of all these happening i was really angry with God! i was angry cuz 1 pt which came in well suddenly collapsed! why?!!??? she was so well all the while! no active bleeding anywhere but she suddenly just flatten out! lucky she pull thru and was intubated to icu, recently she came back to us. she looks good but still not very well. then we had a few death cases. i was sad cuz that pt just got in the morning and left in the night. being the 'heng' one i was in the pm shift where she was still alive, restless and restrained.

between wed and thur, i discharged a good amount of pt although i stayed back to audit the casenotes til 12mn, i didn't managed to clear all. was too tired to stay so decided i shall do the rest the next day. but the next day new discharges piled up! but the shift was rather peaceful. as i was passing over shift, an old lady fell. the person directly involved was not me but i was the i/c. i needed to enter RMS. my 1st RMS and i was not even the one that caused it! and it was friday! my plan of attending the in-service talk crashed and then the RMS took up so much of my time that i had my 1st meal of the day only at 5 to 6pm! poor shan tot i was angry with her but i was more worried for her. wonder how her probation review will be! what a black mark on her career! after that dinner, i needed to relax a little then started auditing those piled up casenotes. then.... realised that some TCUs were not obtained and with 1... the Dr order after pt left! *faint* win lor... at 7pm i knew my chance of going back for cell group is almost zero liao.... i was so upset i wanted to cry! my head were getting light...

i was so angry with God. why didn't He protect the pt and shan? why let that RMS happen? why did the ward has so many happening! why do i have to clear this and that? why i was so dumb to miss the TCUs? i was so angry that i felt the surrounding spinning. but i tried to keep cool... did i manage? i don't remember but only knew i was very drained. came home, the cell had just prayed for me that my work would be completed and everything will be settled. i joined in the prayer but left to sleep straight after.

came sat. was on AM so woke up early and took a cab to work even though i was damn early. call for Mac to delievery to work even before i stepped into the ward. i wanted to treat myself to a good 'start' for the day. but i guess i was still very angry with God plus i was still very tired (or maybe cuz there were 2-3 new cases that came at 5.3o am that i needed to f/u on?) i felt like crying!! plus got an earful from the consultant for filing in the wrong doc into the wrong casefile. got a blood that came in at 7am but Z don't want to check. he wants to complete his round 1st! i kena 1 time the pro-long waiting time liao... now want to kena again?!?! but luckily Tan hk came at 8 something 9am and checked the blood and i managed to run it well within the 'shelf-life' of the blood. *phew* again there are d/c to audit. so i stayed back to do it. i don't like others helping me with that cuz i scare something not done proper, i will kena. so.. even when others offered, i said no. *sigh*

the minutes turned to hours and i was debating if i should go for service (sat). i was angry with God and i tot "maybe not going to service will show Him how upset i am with Him" but then again i missed God. i missed being in His pressence and that strong anionting felt being in the service. cut the long story short... i went to service. i was so tired that i kept my eyes closed to rest but my ears opened to ingest what the pastor had to offer. the message somewhat spoke to my current situation and i stepped out to the altar call with hundreds of the rest. it was a good time of ministry and receiving in faith. i believe things are going to turn for the better. the ward will be a better place, my life will be more fruitful and joyous. am i still angry with God? i don't know. cuz i don't feel so strongly anymore. but i know i am not contended with where i am now and i know God knows what i mean. by faith i claim for the unfulfilled promises and i will no leave it to chances. with awll my heart and mind and soul, i no longer want to go to where God is cuz that means i am still a distant away from where He stands. i want to be with Him in His work and holding His hand in all that i am involve in.

flowers?

went to the market today and saw the beautiful sunflower smiling at me. bought it to work wondering along the way, who should i give my flower to. to be as long as it is within sight and stills pretty i am glad. afterall sunflower are strong and odorless so it can 'tahan' long time while not giving any problem to those with allergy to pollen/ flower's smell.

was debating btw 26/6 (a fellow believer) and 28/10 (she reminds of my mummy) but decided no to give anyone of them. =P cuz other pts/ relatives may talk. so i placed it at my room's nurses counter. not sure if JCI allows that but it certainly brought a little color to the nurse's counter and hopefully bring a smile to everyone hovering in that area.

drifting over topic... i am so upset with those crazy DRs! they love to hog the casesheets and imr. then later ask us, is that or this done?! funny!! they had denied us chance of peeping into their orders and then later ask us weird questions like this?! CRAZY! if not leh... they will come very 10 to 15 minutes to either add in new changes or orders in the casenotes and imr. how to get medicines and label the right test?! tell me lah....

this new group of Drs are so fickle-minded. or should i say no sure of what they want. no steady lar... that is why everytime i am on shift i show 1 hugh mega black long face! oh shit! i think i had picked up the passive-aggressive stance somewhere. that explains why that MO seems a little not too willing to talk to me and when he does he is always very polite. haha... ya... i realised my bad habit of throwing things down and make a din when i am upset (or is it stress?). better keep myself in check if not i will be the 2nd "i am so tired" missy after SmTa.

so... in ending... prayfully mr sunflower will help boast the morale of the room up and all the pts will be happy and recover soon enough to pack their bags and go home sooon... Amen!

COMPLAINT QUEEN - ME

recently i had posted an entry on my vox.blog talking abt the crap that i had to clear post taking over shift. stuff not done properly, casenotes not filed in place and etc, etc. just when i tot life is going to be normal again... i got to clear crap AGAIN today!

being in rm27 for a few days and back to rm28 as jr for a day or so, i went on 2 days off. new pt came and old pt left. even for the old pts, there are new developments that i have no idea of. and... so i am back after 2 days off and facing me were... *sigh....* INCOMPLETE WORK!

someone in the previous day's PM shift had not obtain enough meds for today's AM shift. this person had also skipped changes that were ordered and this cause an uproar from my dear "jiejie". making me jumping from the start of the shift! i had yet to complete my medication serving (IVs) then got to label and desp urgent bloods. very very angry lor! cuz i have no idea what had happened but i was asked why i don't know and why it was not done! then then then... another team came to asked me if something was faxed already or not. there were no records from the previous shift and worst still the form was gone!! what can i say, apart from "ya, ok. i will check"

although the shift ended peacefully, to me it was a shitty day. cuz it just didn't started off well for me. i had 2 students, 1 jr and 1 ssn with me in my room! with so many people i ought to be able to function better but... i think i am a little too used to being busy! hahaha... so when i realised that otheres are helping me with my changes and stuff, i was off the balance! haha... stupid me!

i think i am more used to doing things on my own. in that way i will know my pt's development better. but i am still rather thankful for the help. =)

the 2 PRCP girls in my room are quite good. at least that is my 1st impression for the both of them. esp. E, she is good. =) lets see in the long run bah! =)

crazy keyboard

my keyboard is dying! some keys are retarded and dying! no matter how hard i slammed on the letters it just wont come on. darn...

recent updates

i am tired out physically. i had totally forgotten how it feel like and how it works during AM shift! so tiring! *faint* i still prefer PM shift and ND shift over AM- always had been and always will be! =)

#1
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i am so surprise there is only 1 DIM case in my room of 13 pt! good life sia for the in-house Drs. *mental note-must ask them to take blood and set plugs!*

#2
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did my interim appraisal (FINALLY) and took 1++ hr to speak to the 'new' head. she spoke abt my quality of work. i no longer argue... cuz i think it serves no purpose

...until....when she brought up the IDC in wrong hole issue...i was STIRRED!! i still think the PM girls had done wrong and it was only right of me to bring it up in my documentation. but 'head' said the whole picture reflect badly on the missy as a whole- regardless of who is right or wrong! i don't like the idea of 'just be'cuz we are the same-missy vs missy- we need to cover each other's ass' cuz what had happened was endangering pt's safety. we had a brief discussion on that- key words involved were: disagree, honey-coat, presumption, too fast to problem solve, SHOULD haves.

on the same issue, i did blog abt her management on the prob. i didn't like the way she said how it could had been avoided- insert another IDC into the other hole?! but after speaking to her and she telling me how SHE would do it... i accept her management if she was the RN but still not on her advice as a NC. key word involved- VE (V.examination) i agreed cuz its the only right thing to do basically on old ladies who had given birth, its certainly less invasive then poking them with cold, hard plastic tubes!

#3
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i am officially rejected by my NC for my application to adv dip! darn!!! i am old and do i have lots of time to spend waiting for my turn? 2 yrs experience?!?! what's wrong with 1.5 yrs? that 0.5yr must be an event packed one sia... thus without that 0.5yr i am less of a missy?!

so i am applying to study a deg which should start next yr. it should take abt 2 to 2.5yr depending on the pace i will be taking. which means... i will continue to work in this setting til i am more settled in the new schooling shit then i will SURELY ask for transfer out. after all i must look at the goal i am pressing forward to mah. no offence but i can't stand geron. personally i feel its more depressing than doing onco. =(

while some of my dearest frd are planning to either relax, rest a bit more or even leaving the force; i am planning for more intensive learning for future nursing ambition. NO!!! i am not targeting to be JIEJIE!!! most pple know right? my wish or hope is to work with the under privilege or developing countries. so it will be great if i am either a really power missy learnt in all areas or even better a nurse practitioner. then even without a dr by our side, we can still function well on our own. yes... i want to be an INDEPENDENT missy. =)

only problem with the above ambition... i can gain all the medical know-hows but will i have the 'real' power to do so in answering to my call 100%? hm... *mental note- must start reading the Word, pray and fast more*

#4
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just can't simply to agree with the practise of the day shift staff in some areas. =( had i became an outer-circle asshole unhappy with the things pple do? but... got to have standard mah!! without lao DA JIE, we must still maintain standard mah!!

how is the problem? why r most of our pt always resting in bed? nowadays bed-sponging is the most trending thing to do huh? plug site, drip set- not dated?! injection trolley messing = ok? kidney dishes stained with blood, no need to clean/ change then continue with the next pt? pre-d.c checklist up for fun one! - no obtaining of TCU/ feeds/ preparation of HIDS/ presciption the day before also never mind lar...then?! what's the point?! *faint*

my idea? forget abt harping over the fact that pple leave their bags in the MO rm or the rm's side cardboard and focus on the real reason behind nursing. i am all for documenting this and down and trendcare but 1st and foremost the actual nursing work has to be of a right standard. no? *shudder* ... haha... maybe one day... IF i ever be a NC i will be one screaming from room to room barking at my staff to do this and that AND making those that may cause or had already cause pt harm to WRITE MEMOs! hahaha.... hmm.... maybe at that time i will enjoy working in 7X?? cuz i heard that is how the JIEJIE - GEGE run their ward! hahaha... =P

#5
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this yr's birthday (already passed) had been rather err.. good? my 1 and only living grandparent decided to pass away on the eve of my birthday. good cuz she ought to rest in peace liao lar...bedsores and mental-strain on how the rest ought to live can be very very tormenting! of cuz there are pple that were really sad cuz they felt they had not done enough for granny. my take? its granny's life and her own battle to face, what could we had done more? stop her from dying? if we all want to lessen our suffering we should never be born but that will means that we would never had enjoy the joy of living! ... life is fair if we see it this way, i think...

oh... then i got presents too. sweet stuff. =) thanks for the donuts, well-wishes, cards, 'Tommy Girl', lotion/shampoo, accessories and all those intangibles. even I gave myself some gifts! =P of all of them, i love my 'Anna-Su' best.

#6
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do u know that "ayam" brand had come out with a canned fish range? no... not the tuna range, its the mancakle fish (wrong spelling i think). its cheap and damn good! only $1.95/ can @ NTUC. i enjoy packing that to work along with rice and kimchi! thinking of it makes me drool! hehee...

#7
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talk abt drooling... i had FINISHED reading "Starter Wife" (book) in less than a week!!! all 400++ pages!! i am amazed at my achievement! hahaha... SAM KNIGHT is so dreamy!! while that LOU is 100% less attractive than the TV series!

but after reading the book, i realised that the TV series is pretty different from the actual book. hmm... i prefer the TV series cuz i think there should be more twist and better build up on the personality of the cast. plus there will be a season 2 so i bet u even if the ending is and will be the same as the book; the journey will be 100% more spiced up! yummy.... but too bad my working schedule means i can't watch the series! anyone willing to help me buy online? i promise to pay!

Starter wife

char bo vs bimbo

wats the difference btw char bo and bimbo? hmm... i think every char bo (woman) has that bimbotic genes in her. the only different is that some women allow it to run their life totally while some use it discreetly. =P

my idea of bimbos, are women that focus on those very surface-external stuff (eg. looks, makeups, dresses, fashions, latest these and that). bimbo tends to be over naive and appears dumb too. sometime their speeches and the stuff that they are overly concerned seems so trivial that they cross over to the point of childishness.

read a couple of teenage girls' blogs and was really amazed and amused! they were scolding and bitching about each other on their individual blogs. it's terrible to see how vicious kids can be with their words at their age. its amazing to see the real life action of those reports on the newspaper about how school girls bully their own kind by means of calling names, forming alliances staging out before my eyes. it was reported that these actions can be so bad that the victim can be scarred for life, drop-out of school, join gangs, do drugs, etc. it's amusing cuz when i read on, i realised that these are act of childish minds! person A is unhappy about an issue, call person B names and then go on to insult person B's personality, actions and figure. person B gets angry cuz person A had agitated her and in return served person A the same treatment of insults while trying to justify certain actions. if these people are so unhappy about each other, why are they even reading each other's blog?! *puzzled*

perhaps i am not in the actual situation thus i can calmly say they should live their own life and stop these nonsenses. but i too had my childish days of doing such damn stuff-the inner circle vs the outer circle 'fight'. actually such these still exist in every company, school and... in fact everywhere!!

although most friends know that i loathe bimbotic talks and stuff, such talks are unavoidable to some extend and i do enjoy an occasional praise on my hair/ figure/ perfume smell/ shoes/ etc (even if it is a lie =P) every now and then. =P hahaha... after all everyone has a bit of that bimbotic or if not himbotic in them! =P

long break-watching drama

this long break had me drooling over some pretty faces. can't spell their names cuz my hanyu pinying is damn poor. but they are the casts from the TVB drama series call "the drive of life".

1st watched some episodes on Utube and then the uploader stopped. so i went elsewhere to search for it. but the uploading was slow too. really can't blame them. who on earth really have nothing better to do than to copy and upload? waste time, energy and money and even run the risk of being sued!

i loved the show so much that i went to the tvb rental shop to rent it! its a total of 60 episode and i finished it! =) if korean drama is famous for its lovey dovey-i got cancer plot. then hongkong drama ought to be famous for its cunning, witty 1/2 unexpected twisted plots! i love watching these cantonese drama in its orginal voice! although its 60 long episodes, each episode had a life of its own! its not even draggy! the next best drama next to "the kinship (zhen jin)" =) watch it and get hook!!

The Drive of Life - 歲月風雲 theme song


The Drive of Life - 歲月風雲 trailer

sleeping head

haha... met with my beloved laikuan and fanyan today. so happy! but so tired! my stupid body thinks its still on night shift! argh!!!!

meeting with the ladies nearly got blown off cuz fanyan was still busy with a presentation at 12.30pm! i was so looking forward to meet them cuz i didn't get to see laikuan on her wedding day and it had been a long time since i met her and chit chat. fanyan.... needless to say she is my dear lao da! hahaha... she falls into my very small group of very idol. i love being able to say anything and everything with her. she is so very wise and straightforward too. =) i like....

sad... cuz the lunch break was so short. couldn't do dinner cuz i thought fanyan would be busy with her children exams-which is now over. =( anyway we made date to visit laikuan's new flat soon.... someday.... (wonder when?! hahahhaha)

back to my "i think i am still do night shift" body. =( i had went without sleep for 2 days! i get sleepy during daytime but i refuse to sleep hoping i would be tired out and be able to sleep at night. i thought i won it til i woke up @ 3am! tried sleeping again but ended with headache instead. aiyo.... finally when i feel like sleeping?? its 12pm-noon. so went for lunch. after that took mrt back and slept.... til... reach BUGIS!! lucky i wake up if not i will be sleeping til expo sia!

=)

had been watching this drama call 'soulmate' yes yes.. its KOrean, AGAIN!

the guys and girls are really lovable. its a comedy so there isn't any mr/miss evil. i love it so so much but its rating in korea itself wasn't very good thus the planned season 2 just isn't going to happen. so sad....

the show was rather slow paced but it gave ample time for each character to develop itself. the drama pick up towards the end. my tummy literally cramped from all those suppressed laughter! (i watched the drama late at night so if i laugh out loud, the police will be knocking at my door!!!)

i love all the characters cuz each had their unique personality.
i like jun-ho (female lead's younger brother) every time he appears i will start laughing even if he didn't say anything! lol... thinking of him makes me laugh!
i like mi-jin that supervisor! hahaha... she is another one!
hmm... and the friendship btw ju-hee and min-ae! haha... love the part where they challenge each other to seduce man! lol....

see for urself!
ju-hee n min-ae
ju-ho

days ahead

soon it will be my leave. yipeee... had planned to spend it doing some meaning work for God but God shut that door in my face. so sad... but instead of being sad... i had came up with plans to fill in the gaps. its a good break from work anyway. glad in some ways.

=) hopefully by the end of the 2 weeks break. i will look great and feel light! heehee... ps- everything had been planned and schedule out. hopefully everything will be smooothh.... *muack*

give chance lah...

after reading a friend's blog entry, i promptly came to my dashboard on blogspot and deleted a previous entry. i still don't regret what i had said. the frustration is real and so is the tingle of sadness. but my actions/ speech as a fellow believer to the new leader shall be more merciful.

still i don't believe in loving blindly. i will acknowledge you as my new leader, i will accept the weird rostering, i will take the remarks and unreasonable requests (as least in my views) but once respect and awe is lost, it is forever. good leaders are hard to come by, for my past 20+ yrs, i had only encounter 2 to 3 persons that are worthy to be call GOOD. and i realise these are the people who stick by their principles and remain strong in their believes. oh how i inspire to be them but sadly i hate frontal crashes. for a while i will struggle to maintain what i believe in but after a long time of persecution... i realise i will simply surrender and go with the flow. =( how sad! "only dead fishes go with the flow!" and i suppose part of me is dying already! *sniff*

what's going on with the 'energy' in the workplace? maybe the charka not smooth lar! or maybe the senior who had left us had along with them moved the pillars of standards and expectations from the workplace? leaving the new girls (not all, ok!) nursing in the "like this can, like that also not wrong lar" cradle of growth? or maybe its just the quality of the new girls?! i DUNOE! cuz i am no perfect being. the more i complaint the more it will come back to haunt me. so from now on i will just sit, act blurrrr... (i think i am good at that) and do the necessary lor. no more, no less. perhaps that is the only way to live well, sleep well, eat well and not have any stress induced gastric flu. =_=||

updates

after blogging 2 entries in a go, i decided that i will put up yet another entry. in case i go missing for a while again. =P

very soon i will be taking a long break from work (2 weeks only lar) and when i am back, i will be going back on normal rotational shift. i am really looking forward to the mad crazy in the day shifts. yet a little worried cuz i don't know if i am able to cope having been on night for so long! hopefully i will be able to do well and pick up new skills/ knowledge when i am back on rotational shift. =)

of cuz had been on perm night had certainly make me more caution with my work. caution to - write those PT/OT/ B.L ref dates in the allocated slot, to print enough stickers for usage, to file my results and to file it in the RIGHT places and to label my casefile and imr. so i hope i will continue to bring it with me even when i am back on the crazy, busy like mad day shifts.

spot the difference!

can someone kindly tell me the difference between
1- (3x/ day) TDS vs 8 hourly
2- (4x/day) QDS vs 6 hourly

as a medical ward nurse i am tickled by what i am seeing and hearing! =) please please please leave ur answer in my comment box!!

busy?!

it had been a long time since i last blog. wonder what i am busy with? err... if u r thinking baby.... WRONG!! LOL...

my latest beaut.... QUE SERA SERA... yes, its korean drama YET AGAIN! lol... although the main lead (male) looks like a monkey! LOL! his a lovable monkey in this drama. =P otherwise i seriously don't think i will be bother to go all gaga over him! =P the female lead is pretty. she got what i call the X-factor look. sweet but not too over, plain but with that tiny-weeny bit of attractiveness. and almost all innocent and navie look. wo...wow!

watch this MV for a glimpse of the very VERY complicated relation that the leads have.


i love the songs in the drama!!! but too bad its a new drama so new that singapore isn't carrying its DVD/ VCD/ OST CD. =( online purchase?? listen to these 2 songs. isn't it great?

what does "loving you" means?

every now and then i will recall this Internet passage that i read somewhere, somehow. but it had been so long ago that i can't remember when and how i got the passage.

the story started with 2 persons. man and woman married each other out of passionate love for each other. the initial years were full of challenges however love seems to conquers all mistakes and unpleasant happenings. or perhaps we could call it the blinding effect of love.

however as the marriage life progress from its initial honeymoon period to its maintenance period. man and woman had increase tension and was found to be quarreling more than before. woman felt that man was loving her lesser and lesser. she seems to be gifted to spot very little mistake and bad habit of man. to name a few - leaving the toilet seat up everything he was done with the toilet and often not flushing after he had pee-ed. the way man would eat his sandwich and causing bread crumbles to fall all over the table.

woman felt frustrated simply having to clean after man every time he is done with his business. the simple presence of man would stress woman out, having to anticipate how she had to clear after man.

came 1 fine day. woman could take it no longer and broke out in angry and resentment. she screamed at man and told him that she could no longer carry on living with man; she wanted out of this relationship. however with every angry word she said, sadness clouded the speech and hot tears rolled down her cheeks. it was clear that woman was still feeling but... man wanted to save the relationship and he wanted woman to stay with him til "death do them apart". both agreed to allow time for them to cool down before approaching this issue of separation again.

finally man and woman sat down and decided to find a way to salvage their years of marriage. each took a piece of paper and decided to write down the things that they wanted the other to understand or change in order for their relationship to work out. woman started writing with much zest. while man started slow. however after 30 minutes woman had ran out of topics to write. she turned and saw man still diligently writing with no sign of stopping. another 30 mins past, man was still writing now into his 2nd piece of paper.

woman thought "why did he had so much to write? he must be really unhappy with me." then she started to sniff, followed by a soft sob which then turned out to be a great loud wailing. man stopped, taken by surprise, looked up puzzled and asked woman why she was crying. woman stood up walked over to man and snatched his pieces of paper... reading the words written all over the paper, woman cried even louder than ever. on those papers where these words "I LOVE YOU".

on reflection... woman was picking on man for everything he did, she was seeing him through her brain, while man was seeing her through his heart- filled with loving adoration for her. the perfect setting for a relationship because i love thus i will look past your imperfection.

but then you may argue that the reason why man wrote "I LOVE YOU" instead of listing the stuff that he dislike of woman is because... man always try to "siam" through trouble by 'buying" or "sweet talking" their way out! so its of little wonder why man wrote that 3 words! and of cuz... what else can/ dare man comment of woman!? after all woman are always right and perfect! LOL... =P

benefits

is it true that grass always is greener at the other side of the bank? =(

i am thinking this question out aloud. will i stay in this health group after my 3 yr bond? there is basically nothing much holding me back here. ya, i got friends but not strong enough to hold me down here. anyway, most of my dear friends are planning to break them bond soon. =( i am already browsing the other group's webby to see what are the opening there.

1 thing for sure is that i want to be working in a big hospital cuz there are more learning opportunities.

anyway, degree courses opening aren't open til next year. til then...

secret..shhh...

finally watched the movie. wow! i like it cuz its a time travel story. but its not very realistic isn't it? ok, for the fun of it (as a movie) and for entertainment, its quite good. cool guy, sweet girl and beautiful music whatelse can we pick on? =P

its just amazing how those chaps pulling down the building did not heard the piano plays! LOL... maybe it was really too noisy?! i read some comments left by pple saying that it had no ending but i thot the ending was pretty clear?! Jay went back time and he changed the ending of xiaoyu dying of heartache. but i suppose she did evenutally still die in some mental instituation!? haha... imagine having a boyfriend that only appears to you! *faint* but of cuz they could settle down, talk abt the future eg. how to meet again in 20 yrs time and how Jay will eventually marry his own mummy's ex-classmates who might be in her 40s at that time! LOL... then Jay can play his way back to 1990s. =P

it makes me think of the Jap movie "be with you (or is it me?!)" again. =) but too bad, i think JK was the one who loaned me the movie. so... i shall watch it on internet instead. =P

lost wt?!

had lunch with my in-laws today. and we chatted a bit here and there. for some weird reason i don't really enjoy chatting with them. =P but i like to listen to the conversation. in order to get me to contribute my mom-in-law shifted to the topic of losing wt! LOL...

someone make a comment to her during one of the relative's recent wedding that i had lost some wt. hahaha... guess what was my reply?! "huh? not really. i don't think so. perhaps that's because the last she saw me was during the chinese new year." and thank God the topic shifted to my hubby.

aiyo... the topic of lossing weight, gaining it or how to do the both make it all sound so BIMBOTIC!! yes...yes it does! its almost as HIMBOTIC to hear guys discuss how to make their muscle cuts sharper and stuff. *faint* but then again... vanity rules the world isn't it? *sigh*

maybe next time we should start our causal conversation with "hi there. how's ur bowel movement recent? still smooth and everyday?!" LOL... that will be so awkward and funny!! =P

corrinne may- beautiful seed

ever since i heard from a friend that corrinne may's new ablum is out on sales. i had been wanting to get my hands on it. oh well... if u had knew me well enough, u will know that i do enjoy corrinne may's 1st two ablums. =)

i like corrinne may's deep yet clear voice. her music is very clean and smoothing too. its like crystal yet with more substances. my vocab just isn't good and rich enough to describe all that i wish to. but well... u better go and get an ablum and listen it for yourself. =)

this 3rd ablum seems a little different from the 1st two. hmmm... can't point out what the differences are but it gives me a entire different feeling from the 1st two. can't decide if its a better or worse feeling, just different blah.

oh did i mention the lyrics? its all written by corrinne may herself! wow!! i hope i read the ablum right and did not deprive anyone of their rightful honor. =P the lyrics are simple yet beautiful. every song carries with it a story to be told. i like! =)

--------------------------------------------
Beautiful Seed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(2006, Corrmay Gourmet Music-ASCAP)

You can fill the darkness wih just 1 flash of light
Break the silence with just 1 word
1 defiance starts a revolution
1 life can save the world

On the steps of Washington
Sprinkled like confetti
Thousands of people sing "We shall overcome"
The preacher shouts "Let freedom ring"
He gave his life for what he believed

You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future
Shout it, don't whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed

She's a pastor daughter
She is only 16
But her heart and belly are breaking at the seams
Her boyfriend blames her, he wants to pay
for the doctor to wash it away

As she lays in the hospital
A Christmas choir is singing
About a child in a manger, fragile and small
"Unto us is born a Savior"
She looks at her baby and cries as she sings him a lullaby

You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future in the tiniest whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed

Every hope, every power lies in the heart of a seed that flowers
Interwined all across the land
We're all seeds in the maker's hand
--------------------------------------------

what do you see from the lyrics of this song "beautiful seed"? i felt my heart thugged a little at the part of the unwed mother; daughter of a pastor! aiyo... shouldn't she know better than to...?!?! perhaps that's why she cried carrying her baby?!?! feeling of thankgiving or guilt or hope or faith or forgiveness? hmm... i don't really know.

but i guess the main message in this song is to say that every person is a beautiful seed that the maker had planted for something great. may it be a preacher, a normal tom/dick/jane or even an unwed mother and her out of the wed-lock child.

maybe i will blog abt my views on unwed-motherhood, fatherless children and pre-marriage pregnancy.

personality tests - just for fun

http://www.outofservice.com/

interesting... profound findings?!

do u know me?!

extrovert vs introvert? can we be both at the same time? hmm... =_=?!

i think i am a born extrovert but introvert by trainning. why do i say that? having been thru all those personality test e.g. DISC, Myers-Briggs. i am always 'diagnosed' to be an extrovert. but i am not ALWAYS that loud and colorful!

when i am very comfortable with the pple, the environment and myself; that loud personality of mine will take the center stage. but as a friend ever told me "esther, u have terrible mood swing." i can become quiet suddenly too. what do i mean by a trained introvert? just like how we can be trained to be a public speaker to gather that sort of energy level to stir the crowd; a trained introvert learns to retreat to a personal space and reflects. the same time this trained introvert shows great interest in other's feelings and thoughts thru listening. =) i like this part the most, after a while, i realised i enjoy listening to others speak more than rattling on and on about myself! =P

however seeing me blog about myself to the public doesn't seems so introvert after all, yah? =P therefore... this is me. a few pple had commented that my loud and often open personality can easily make pple ard me comfortable to draw near to me and with my keen interest in others (hahaha... KPO-ness?!) creates an opportunity for pple to open up to me. but if that is really so... how come i don't have many close friends that does that leh?! hmm... thought for thoughts...

til the next time.... Cheerios!

for the past 2 weeks...

had not been updating recently. so what's up with me? nothing much although lots had happened. no... no... i am feeling fine. when i said lots had happened i meant purely events. lunar 7th months and yet i am still hearing news of people getting married and stuff =) then there are also death cases. there are also some doubts in my calling (AGAIN!?!) and some crashes with my 'boss'.

i guess i am more mature now?!?! cuz i may be bothered by those stuff but after a while i could swiftly move on with being myself. boy! am i glad with my development. haha... but i too wonder if it can be a sign of me getting dull in my spirit?! hmm...

had been having a good COMMUNICATING relationship with Daddy Almighty. =) doing my time alone with God diligently and learning new things from old stuff! amazing!! its really amazing, cuz i hate having to re-read the same book again knowing what to expect and lesson to be learnt. i actually verbalised that out during 1 cell meeting! LOL... of cuz apart from the standard answer of how the same scripture, same words and all will speak to us differently depending on the prompting of the Holy Spirit and the situation we might be in; my cell leader told me something else which i had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN! hahaah... but it convicted me to seek God diligently. =) although she doesn't know of this blog, i pray that she knows how much she had impact me even when she seems all disappointed with the cell. *sigh*

so ta-da... thats me! all well and healthy. going for a flu jab tommorrow while sulking on how shitty it is to be on night shift and not being able to attend the Med Onco training that was opened to non-onco SN today. *argh*

recent development

recently i had been feeling down. few days ago i was feeling so sad and down that i felt like weeping for no reason. and then i realised that the reason for that weeping was because somebody was dying and she did die that day.

then now i feel so unsure, so fearful and sad again. i was wondering is it because i am sick? then it dawn on me perhaps i was feeling for someone's behalf. then i randomly read someone dear's blog. she is feeling down and she must be very very stress with the up coming exams. so i prayed for her after the prayer i felt i little better but still not 100% back to normal yet.

fasting really makes a person more sensitive huh? had been planning to start fasting again this weekend but unintentionally it slipped my mind. but due to me being unwell, i unwittingly skipped my meals while i slept. but i continued with my prayers and reading of the Bible. its interesting to wake up everytime having a worship song singing in my mind! =) so can i say that i had been fasting for the past days? hmm...

some update on my health. i am still having small episode of diarrhoea, each time i take solid food =( and i get dizzy when i get up from bed/ chair or squat down; felt nausa and vomitted a little today. planned to venture out to see a Dr today but the sky decided to pour down rain and blow in the strong wind. so slept instead. *sigh* falling sick make me miss my mummy and my mother-in-law homecooked food and Jesus. *cry cry*

earlier than expected

i had moved over earlier than expected. reason? none that i can think of. well, this will be home to my blog for the next few years to come. =) cheerios

plan

i am planning to be moving all my blog entry into this new site. afterall this is the only one that i can get my readers to add in their input. no matter how i try to adjust the old site still can't reflect the comment icon/ segment. that sadden me. so i think i might just move it all over from end of this month on.

testing

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