compassion?!

i was actually planning to blog abt the 5Cs in my other blog but i decided against it. its mainly negative remarks and can be a pretty bad way to impress myself upon those that i work with. i think i might stop blogging there. =(

compassion. jesus had it, peter and paul had it but do i really have it? i had heard praises from friends and people that i know when they found out that i am in the nursing line. changing diapers, wiping asses... actually, what is so noble about doing these dirty jobs? i don't think its noble at all and it doesn't really take a whole lots of compassion doing it. at least thats wat i feel.

compassion in my view it to feel like the relatives of the patients, to be able to feel for the patients and to put myself into the shoes of the unwell. me however had not been able to do so. i love the 'doing' part of my job. inserting catheter, taking blood, putting up transfusion, giving meds and knowing its effects... i enjoy seeing how an initially ill-looking frail person turn well and energetic on discharge. but is that compassion?

my compassion might be there for last stage cancer patients who are dying soon. my compassion was to pray for their relieve to hasten so that they may be 'well' soon. my compassion may be for the bed-ridden and totally helpless patient which is constantly ill regardless of how much transfusion or replacement therapy we are 'forcing' into her system.

my compassion for the seemingly well ladies that are mainly in the ward for their emotional and social issues? NONE. my compassion for the loud mouth, UPDATE ME! UPDATE ME! relatives? NONE!

number 1- we are not running a social charity half-way house. just because you DO have some chronic illness and you just hated the sight of your son/spouse/daughter-in-law, you complaint of constipation/headache/giddiness and get warded? while you stay, you order others around as if you are paying (but ahem.. the taxpayers are!) thus the staff are you slaves?! when you are told to go home, you cough up new complaints and new investigations ordered. needles are your best friends and you wonder why you have no drips or blood taking on somedays. but when you have to be on drips and tubes of blood extracted from your veins your complaint why always poke you. blah blah blah... THESE ARE THE REASONS I TRY NOT TO BE TOO FAMILIAR W FREQ "fliers".

number 2- stop coming to the counter and scream UPDATE ME PLS. i don't give a damn if you are the patient's sister's daughter's boyfriend who happens to be working in the same company as me or the patient's cousin's granddaughter's husband. or even if you are the 4th son of the patient- who happened to had given birth to 13 kids in total but is actually cared for by 1 unmarried daughter. or maybe you are the 1 of the 40 grandkids that the patient has, not counting the numerous other related kids that came just for the sake of running along the corridors! the Dr had updated the MAIN SPOKEPERSON. so go and ask him/her! what the hell do you mean by saying "but that person does not really understand what is going on" huh?! not sure then change the main spoke person can? get someone that has the influence and the understanding to talk to the Dr lar. why torture us? and the most interesting shit is... when i tell you "the Dr had already update the main spoke person (the son/daughter..) this morning it will be best if you check with them" the reply was "BUT I AM THE SON/ GRANDDAUGHTER, CAN'T YOU GIVE ME JUST A BRIEF UPDATE? I DON'T LIVE WITH MY UNCLE SO I HADN'T HEAR FROM HIM." omg! keep your family shit at home behind close doors! who really care if son A hates daughter C and their families are at loggerheads? i am just a nurse. I NURSE THE PATIENT! but seemingly these days we have to nurse the patient's family and even extended family too. why?!?! why do they love to tell us their emotional struggle on caregiver stress or even stress from the maid?! *faint* my norm is i will gently re-enforce the main spoke person policy while giving the ___(insert relationship here)___ a run down of the patient's condition. actually if we are strict with the confidentially cause, with regard to the JCI we should NEVER do that and if we must shouldn't we then request for the person IC too? haha... so much of the BLACK and WHITE... nursing deals too much with the GREY!

why do i blog abt compassion today? cuz recently i was so pissed by somebody (whom in my view is just another "I CAN SPEAK ENGLISH WELL SO I AM BIG SHOT" but actually looks and behaves like a totally no manners idiot. i strongly suspect he is just another taxi driver and engages in illegal betting sort of guy). so pissed that i wanted to shout back into this face and scream can't you see i am busy!? here take my name and complaint for all that i care. (which i didn't of cuz! i even said thank you at the end of the 'talk')

**just to clarify...i have nothing against taxi-drivers and i don't look down on them of any sort. just that sometime i think they love to talk big that's all. otherwise, they are just as important as anybody in singapore. considering the amt of taxi trips i make weekly...they are damn important lor...=P**

thank God

a break! a real break! work had been burning me out and i had lost all perspective. hating to be the bad person yet can't bear to be the goody-o-shoes i am beating myself inside out. its great to have a break from work.

somethings happened in the workplace which i am wondering if i should be even blogging about it. but well... its a break i DESERVE it, at least i think i do.

when to the vcd shop, its like my only shopping stop these days. but it had been really boring shopping in it, these days. nothing seems to thrill me. =( then.. i saw a movie that i missed that time when it was on screen. it being an foreign film, it was screened on limited days and at specific timing. which i happened to be on shift everytime it was screened. then it was pull down. =(

i bought it along with "L-change the world". i didn't watch L on movie cuz i wanted to keep the show so when it was finally out... heehee... i got it without a second thot. i watched it immediately went i got home and i was tearing!

it was a good break. i FINALLY managed to get to service after at least 2 months of not doing so. i hate being late for service so on days that i manage had been able to make it to service but late, i will give it a miss instead. thus... i was way way way away from the embrace of GOd. of cuz if i had maintained a close relationship with God attending service would be a bonus but not doing it will not all that bad. but... o'well...

oh and i finally understood a part of myself recently. i am an extrovert. i used to think i am an extrovert-trained introvert. but I AM AN EXTROVERT. i gain energy from energy around me. (haha... sound like a blood sucker or sort) this new re-discovery of myself is rather interesting...

an unexpected off on sunday... although my AL is officially down to only 6 days, i don't regret having my sunday off. i rested well. re-charged... ready to face the new week ahead? o'well... i suppose so. =]

on a lighter tone...

hubby got a new phone, its not the latest latest model but its new alrite. N95 or something. the music is clearer, photos sharper and its ear piece cooler. he seems to be having a good mood after he got a bargain for it. with the new policy which users are allowed to keep their existing phone no. even when changing subscribers, prices are slashed lower than usual. =) am i changing phone? hopefully but i don't see a dying need to do so.

i would like to have a Wii but the retail set comes only with 3 months warrenty. hubby said its better to wait for a designated importer to come in so to get the most protection. i am fine with that. anyway i am not a huge gamer.

picked up reading again. gosh! its worst then watching vcd! cuz i can't do anything apart from reading. if i am watching a vcd, i can iron or surf the internet at the same time but if i read i can't do anything at all! and reading is addictive... if only textbooks and notes are equally luring.. damn it. haha...

life will be great if i can laze all day in a sunny beach house (fully air-con) just doing what i want, no need to cook, iron, wash and clean up. haha... i might as well be domestic kept cat! i think that's what all these kept pussies do all day...laze ard, walks a little, sleeps alot and if they feel up to it-clean themselves. haha... dogs however seems to have a harder life. =P

updates...

there is a change in the grp of allied healthcare people we are working with recently. the OT is a much more pleasant person and our PT is finally back from her break. these ladies are great! (our previous OT and PT were not bad too.) as for the dietitian change...WOW!! thanks GOD! the new lady is so much BETTER and more human! haha.. the old lady was really nasty! did we owe her money or kill her father? i wonder... the new MSW... not much change... =( ST as usual is good... though they don't come everyday, they r consistent with they work. got ref? no prob. not like our old dietitian... got ref? wau lau! must beg her to come like that!

i met our EX-cleaner today at the coffee shop near home. actually she lives near us. recently i had not seen her for sometime so i asked the other cleaner and she said she 'moon' was on mc. only did i know she had been 'fired' by her boss and her work-permit cancelled! moon had a needle-prick injury recently (abt 2 weeks back) was it the cause? i have no idea. but it seems a cleaner at TT had a similar incident and died a few days back. was there a link in these? i have no idea but if it do then the WHOEVER that had left the damn needle stuck in the bruerett should just go and died! causing risk to other like not enough, still harm others' work opportunity. damn the whoever... that's surely isn't me cuz i never do such dumb thing. i asked her how now then... she said she did ask her boss if she can be transfer to other places if the current location boss isn't happy with her work (which is the main reason why her boss said to fire her) her boss actually said that she is well-known to the other bosses and even the n. and pts had complaint abt her. huh?!?! i wonder when and why... i thot she was ok, tell her to do things she will do and no need to follow up on reminders. but now that she is gone... i guess that is just life.. like my hubby said... "life is NEVER fair" that's true isn't it? afterall who can explain why paris hilton seems to have it all?

both eyes closing

the is this young pretty thing in my workplace. the day when she started work both Cdy and i had a distaste for her style of work. she doesn't do things right and when told off she argues back. somehow, i let it fly cuz i want to be nice to young girls like her, who knows what potential we might kill if we get too harsh with her? but i certainly HATE working with her and i think some of my co-workers had by now realised and agreed with me (they too DISLIKE that idea of working with her).

since we are in the same team, it is really hard not to work with her but thanks to the whoever that is in-charged of the rooster, i had not been working with her in the same shift for a long time since the last (that nearely make me into a murderer!). but taking over from her or passing report to her is something i can't avoid totally.

i had witnessed her made a few near misses in dishing out the 'candies' and overheard clients confronting her on the near-misses but i just kept my mouth shut. no point eating our youngs. then that day when i was watching the kids do dressing for a client, that client actually told me that our dear friend was not just rude and given her the wrong medicine. she was RUDE, checked! wrong medicine?! omg! so it was panadol... it was a 'when needed' dose so it was not actually the wrong meds. she should had asked but she didn't thus just giving blindly. when client confront "why do i still need this?" our dear friend reply was "dr ordered so u just take. its all written in the imr" *faint* after listening to the client i confronted our dear friend and she said "its ordered mah!" my reply was "its a prn dose, u don't even ask if she wants it or not huh? its prn if fever. pple got fever meh?" her reply was the most amusing one: "how will i know if she got fever?!" (her voice had raised and shouted like she was engaging in a fight!) *faint FAINT FAINT!* i felt like slapping her but i withheld my impulse and answered in an angry voice (maybe raised but i felt my blood gushing to my brain- tats for sure) "u r the staff n. and u don't know? clinical charts are for fun one huh? cannot check meh? u r nursing document or human huh?" aunt. ro_da came to the soften the tension by asking the other girl to continue with her reports. i was ready to be a stroke from this dear friend of ours,, if it had continued!

why both eyes closed?! cuz the day before when we passed to her there were a few d/c. normally the pm-girl will have to remove the old meds but she didn't. so fine... i can let it slide since boss ever said the one to d/c pt ought to remove the old stuff. then there were the oral meds that was ordered at 12pm but was not even obtained! @ 2pm she had X4 (obtaining supply) and @ 8pm realising her mistaken she had refused to sign or X4 but still SHE DID NOT OBTAIN the supply needed... come the next morning i was on with the new girl and that's the 3rd X4!! i was totally pissed... its antibiotics lor.. its not just some suppl. or vit. but *sigh*... i want to die liao.. when i spoke to her she still argue...

i can really understand why some old n. works for the sake of just coming to work. why take these things so personalised? its only kills us along the way. zen it out and its just an other day. if the kid want to play pranks so be it to her own death. no point coaching, just report to the top and the boss scold her. if she wants to argue thats non of my shit. but my personal take on it is... why bother the top if we can settle at our level? life will be simplier if everyone does his/her part well. i don't ask u to help or do the extra but if u can do watever is needed/ expected of u then it will be enough to make working less tiring.

for now.. i will only say "watever lah" if the standard become sub-standard its really not my shit to care for it. being a people-person is really not my forte. i am more of a 'bio-medical' model person than a scio-culture sensitive person really. because being the later is too draining.

natural beauties?!

the sun, the moon and the clouds! we have it all in my ward!! sun = sanna, at least that was wat the cleaner call her cuz they can't pronounce malay well. the moon..we have a lady call yue-lang so tada... we have the MOON (directly translated from chinese)! hehee... another lady call Yue-E which she prononce it as yun-er which bears the same meaning as cloud in chinese! haha.. there we have the sun, the moon and the clouds!

next up, will we see the rainbow, rain and lightening?! heehee...

new girls

lots of newbies in the workplace. slow, quick, aggressive, soft all sort of pattern one! i can't comment much since i was a newbie once too. 1 day if i go for my adv dip, i will be newbie in the ward once again. for that i shall try to earn some good karama by keeping my mouth shut and smile. every cloud has a sliver linning so nobody should judge another too quickly.

learn the hard way, learn the easy way, as long as things get taught->learnt and pass on, who cares by what method or by who leh? that's my take on things...maybe that's why i have such poor relationship with human being?? hmm... never had any relationship with animals/ plants will be fare better?! hmm....

u thot, i think, who confirm?!

exam II, the paper was relatively easy. if i had study consistency and did my revision well, there should never be a problem with passing. but teh problem was JUST THAT! reading the question, i smirked. i knew i read these stuff before and i thot i knew all the answers. in celebration, i brought donuts for the ward girls (actually to thanks them for their hard work while i took AL to study.) and met my dear frd for lunch (that another story that i will keep to myself)

hours after the exam, i finally settle down to check the answers. damn it! was my 1st reaction, then followed by SHIT! and a whole lot of !*&@#*@!$ haha... yes.. i thot i got it RIGHT but in fact it was all WRONG! hiaz... if i fail my exams how leh? maybe jump out from level 5 bah... cuz huda said jump from level 5 sure die. really meh?? i duno... will tell u if i really jump and DIE. haha...

chae yeon...korean singer (pretty girl)

so what is most korean actress/ actor/ singers/ etc been thru plastic surgery and probly lip-syn? as long as there are people out there that enjoy these artists who are we to judge?

exam I

my 1st exam after 2 yrs of hiatus. i have hardly study, no matter how hard i tried nothing seems to entry my thick skull. damn it!

am i doom to be a skill worker with no qualification?!?! omg! that will make me not even a middle class but a working class! working class have the lowest life expectancy! so ... i have no hope to live til 80yrs old liao!! *sob* its all the fault of social injustise! damn those upper class pple how own the majority of the country's resources, leaving barely <2% of the country's resources to share among the rest of the bottom 50% of its citizens! (sorry... infor is only correct if u live in australia =P)

yes, u guess it right! i am going for my sociology exam in a few hours time thus my previous paragraph on all those socio stuff. i am confident in passing this module but i doubt if it will be a B. rather.. if i get a C+ i am ok with it.

will update on my exam II soon... afterall my next paper (Bio.) is on 12 June. i suspect i will get a D for that paper (at best). *sigh* does prayers really work? i wonder...

out of the hell hole

met someone today, she asked me when i am going to hand in my transfer request form. i told her soon but is it going to be soon? i ponder about that. so many people had been picked to move out and so many request to be out, what about me? should i just sit around and wait for fate or chance to move me or should i activity seek for my cheese? my cheese had been moved, perhaps its really time to pick up the courage and put down the pride to request and seek for my new fresh cheese.

no point staying in a place to be a 'senior' but not learning new things. imparting is important if learning is constant but what if the one ought to impart had already start to decline or held at standstill... eventually we will all die... i seek new knowledge, new challenges and new adventures.

another reason for my strong motivation to move on is the idiot that sits in front of the computer, telephone, hold the power of making appoints and makes the decision to allocate beds. DAMN HER Fuking IDIOTIC FACE!

i am now in rm27 and the past practise was to divert phone-calls to rm27 after office hours so that administrative stuff can get settled. but this practise SUCKS big time! the next day when the clerk come back to work, she SIMPLY just forget to cut the divert and during the PEAK HOUR of our morning shift the damn phone just keep ringing for NON-NURSING related calls! hello...hello...hello... how many thousand times must we answer the call?!?! ....then... the new direction came saying that the divert will be no more, rather with the cordless phone, an allocated stuff will have to carry the phone during off office hours. BUT STILL THE MESSAGE ONLY GOT TO THE NURSES LOR! the phone was still diverted! DAMN IT!! ok... so it was settle after I WENT STRAIGHT TO THE SISTER ROOM TO ENQUIRE. (now must learnt from the bitch liao) but i have no idea why such ward base information/ instruction takes 2 days to get to the 1 PERSON THAT SHOULD KNOW IT MOST?! on another occasion, she has the cheek to ask WHAT IS WARD 77 and HOW COME SHE DON'T KNOW ABT IT?! huh??? all the nurses knew it, it was in the message book for 3 days liao leh... STUPID! is the central message ONLY FOR NURSES???? its for the WARD.. so isn't that bitch working in the WARD??! oh... damn it.. i forgot... she belong to the heaven's (or is it hell?) manpower headcount...so VERY DIFFERENT FROM US... we are merely coo-chi-coo-rah in her eyes huh?! my anger burns deep within me! how i wish to do certain things to her and her work-desk.. but i will resist!

another incident... nowadays the Business Office lady will call our individual rooms and ask "who's for discharge?" shouldn't it be the clerk's job to inform!?? why us!?? when i ask the staff to confirm with the clerk she said "your clerk tell me to call the individual room" huh?!?!?!?!? our 5Cs is stupid lor... consistency in POOR PERFORMANCE AND SHITTY WORK IS REWARDED AND APPRAISED AS TRUE CONSISTENCY!?!??! HOW BLIND CAN THE MANAGEMENT AND THOSE THAT VOTE HER BE?!?!

yet another incident... a staff from SNEC called me and ask me for the old notes of a certain patient. but old notes of discharge patients are handle by that bitch! so i ask her to check with her... the reply from the other side (word for word) "i called her just now for another thing and she was so rude! i don't want to deal with her already. if she is rude to me again, i will complaint about her." my reply? well i totally agreed with her so i said "yah, i think so too. but i don't have any discharged patients' notes in my room leh. let me re-direct you to my clerk, pls hold on." tried to direct the line but the line was ENGAGED!!! (as always!) so i took back the call and help the staff on the other line. finally found 2 vol of old notes for the pt... that was discharge 2-3 days ago!!! why were it not cleared in time?!? BEATS ME!!

i had been telling everyone... if 1 day i tender my resignation, it will be within 24 hrs and it will be due to that fulgy bitch! to that i rest my case... am i too emotional? perhaps... yet i am still a believer of "u scratch my back, i'll scratch urs"... u may say i am damn unprofessional and such a brat... no doubt abt it..i admit it...

can't stop thinking abt it...

there is this pt laying next to my counter. she is clinically ill but otherwise seems well. she is often drowsy thus sleeping and i realised she was not eating well. ok, i admit she seems getting better than when she 1st came in. her team however seems to be going easy with her and i strongly think that '老子' doesn't know his patient very well lor.

i had not nurse this pt for 2 or 3 days in between so i don't know if she had been through this and that. but her team ought to know mah. he ordered this test which the pt had already done 2 days ago when the nurses tell him, he was like 'is it?' *faint* and still want to argue!! the nurse that push the pt tat day and stay with her at the lab was in the room lor! *faint* then since that '老子' was in the room, i pointed that the pt's IMR diet had been on NBM and never r/v! pt is already eating for days liao. ok, maybe i was nasty to say "please change, if JCI track this pt record for audit we will surely fail one lor". so he change the imr order. than i told him that pt is not swollowing well maybe should refer ST. he just brush it off and said "tmr lar" huh? i thot ST work til 5pm on weekday? i questioned him no more. my conclusion... '老子' is kena_sai!!

at 5 pm, i heard from the PM girl that this pt is for transfer back to the principle ward. but she is not B2 and not starting chemo why going upstair leh, i wonder. my only conclusion is tat '老子' can't stand the idiots (the nurses here?) that seems to think so highly of themselves to suggest this and that to him. but dealing with him only for 2 days i realised tat he is plain LAZY lor!! no wonder '马丽n' didn't lend him a helping hand a few days ago... but then again '马丽n' is not known for being helpful one lor...

PLEASE... NO MORE 'BLOODY' OVERFLOW liao!! saya nak muntah darah *vomits*... =P hey my malayu pow-er sia?! =P

can't stop thinking...

there is this pt laying next to my counter. she is clinically ill but otherwise seems well. she is often drowsy thus sleeping and i realised she was not eating well. ok, i admit she seems getting better than when she 1st came in. her team however seems to be going easy with her and i strongly think that '老子' doesn't know his patient very well lor.

i had not nurse this pt for 2 or 3 days in between so i don't know if she had been through this and that. but her team ought to know mah. he ordered this test which the pt had already done 2 days ago when the nurses tell him, he was like 'is it?' *faint* and still want to argue!! the nurse that push the pt tat day and stay with her at the lab was in the room lor! *faint* then since that '老子' was in the room, i pointed that the pt's IMR diet had been on NBM and never r/v! pt is already eating for days liao. ok, maybe i was nasty to say "please change, if JCI track this pt record for audit we will surely fail one lor". so he change the imr order. than i told him that pt is not swollowing well maybe should refer ST. he just brush it off and said "tmr lar" huh? i thot ST work til 5pm on weekday? i questioned him no more. my conclusion... '老子' is kena_sai!!

at 5 pm, i heard from the PM girl that this pt is for transfer back to the principle ward. but she is not B2 and not starting chemo why going upstair leh, i wonder. my only conclusion is tat '老子' can't stand the idiots (the nurses here?) that seems to think so highly of themselves to suggest this and that to him. but dealing with him only for 2 days i realised tat he is plain LAZY lor!! no wonder '马丽n' didn't lend him a helping hand a few days ago... but then again '马丽n' is not known for being helpful one lor...

PLEASE... NO MORE 'BLOODY' OVERFLOW liao!! saya nak muntah darah *vomits*... =P hey my malayu pow-er sia?! =P

esther ma_ma?

haha... that is what josephine love to call me. haha... if it was called in term of some korean style it should means that she is calling me "lady esther" but i know she meant to call me mama as in mummy or mother lor. haha.. i fat fat so she feels i am so motherly?! haha... funny but sweet.

i tried to be the mummy that i expect myself to be, to the baby of our ward. she is surprisingly not so young lor. she is 22!! hehee... but both our brothers are 15! =P trying to bridge our gap, i asked her out for dinner. we chat a little here and there; about adjusting to the new ward and how life was it like in her 'old' ward. indeed it is different. but wards are like human, no 2 are exactly the same mah. there were awkward silent periods in between cuz i was really tired. =(

we chat a little on expectations and the danger in work. haha... i tried to brain wash her into believing that life is evil, people are non-trustable! haha... no lar... you think i am really that terrible meh?!?! i can see that she is an achiever, setting goals and expectations for herself, wanting to prove she CAN DO IT yet everything she kena was rather shitty. poor girl...

she set a plug but plug get out of vein within 3 hours cuz pt kept accidentally pull and twist it. IDC insertion - the site was so difficult to find and she was too gentle and careful, so took 30 minutes also cannot make it in. but dare not call for help til i peek in and caught her reassuring the pt but actually telling herself that. cuz too much time was wasted and i can't stand standing there holding the light while she kept trying and the pt kept whining. i did it instead. BIG BLOW to her ESTEEM i think. NGT insertion - pt is not a good candidate lor. pt cough cough and tube end up going in thru nose and out the mouth. *faint* but the ambulance was coming liao. i took over and inserted the tube instead. DOUBLE BLOW?! here comes the TRIPLE BLOW! her 1st 3 cases for ic was sucky cases too. 1- had to do 2d echo and was DIL ACTIVE lor. 2- stayed for ~3 weeks and was for d/c to hospice. 3- plain crazy and idiotic case lor. if she had easier cases and smoother skill practises she will gain more confident and be more energised bah.

i think what sadden her to tears are not my comments or what i had said but how she had interpret herself to be. well, at least i am not dealing with a kid that heck-care how the world functions or refuse to admit her lack. i am sure she will make it through and shine in her own special ways...and i don't think she is weak at all lor...

buddy meal?! o_O?!

i don't like to precept SN. cuz there is too much responsibility. i pity those girls that have to work in a ward different from their prcp ward. cuz there is an expectation (realistic or unrealistic, i don't know) for them.

having passed their prcp, they ought to know the workflow but each ward has their own set of flow too plus different setting make it tougher. thus thus... i don't know what to do with the new girl. correct the work not their personality or attitude. that is my motto in guiding my students, of cuz unless they are really ultra slow or lazy. cuz i personally believe each personality exist with a reason- to counter the other personalities out there. so no point moulding a hugh clone of mono-personality in the ward. i am not saying the young girl has any attitude problem. i am just saying it is hard for her to become a SN in our ward just like that. i don't want to drive anyone up the wall or cry, even if i ever had done that i never meant to. i am KIND!

but...but... i never had a proper preceptor! i was a 'bastard child' in my ward to start with. having prcp in the same discipline but different ward, i had a terrible time adjusting to 'new faces'. after that, i have an almost non-existing preceptor whom i NEVER had a relationship with EVER! everything i pick up in the ward was by watching and asking. so i have no idea how i can be of help to guide the young one. i hate myself for not being nice to her, for not having time to explain things to her and how i treated her different to how i treated my prcp kid. ='( plus i am always not around for her. poor kid. how is she going to live happily ever after here???

i know i don't have great buddy friends in the ward unlike those in clicks, i am rather reserve and not many love to be with me. haha.. so how can i help her bond with the rest?! *sigh* may the power be with her... hopefully someone will adopt her in their click and perhaps if they same the common enemy (me?!) they will form a great bond?!?! (see... villains have their purpose in the world too!)

in conclusion... if u read this entry and ward as me... to help to keep a look out for our new kids on the block. or maybe teach me how to be a good 'mummy'??

advance yourself!

with the increase paper chase, a person with real ability to do these is less valuable paperwise compared to a person with no actual hand-on but with tons of qualitification. excuse is - experience and skill can be gain on the job over time but qualitification is either you have it or you don't have it. hmm... but the same reasoning can work both way isn't it?

the advance diploma is recuiting again. a list of interesting topic awaits- from critical care to med-surg to psy. i wonder if i should apply then do my deg in the evening. but it will be pure madness to try to handle 2 different (yet similar) shit together. i might not even get it too. =(

ok, assume heaven is smiling at me and i get a high chance, what should i opt for? i used to enjoy med-surg (lots to learn) but recently i had development a keen interest in the topic of death. so dying is more associated with Onco the other alternative is pallative (part-time). but pallative in itself is useless unless paired with Onco (in my view). yet my prideful self urge me to try on critical care. critical care sound totally crazy! i don't really like that sort of setting (A&E - touch and go) but ICA/ ICU is pretty tempting.

afterall most of my friends (at least closer ones) from nursing course are already in their 'dream' land. 1 in A&E (although i heard he hates it there now. but... really meh?), 1 FINALLY in OT (i am happy for her), 1 had travel the world round! haha... he had been to rehab, renal and now A&E! haha... ok, i admit i am not VERY close to him. =P then another in ICU, actually 2 in ICU. argh... then me?? i am in a general-general ward,- not even a multi-discipline although we function like one. =(

back to the advance dip. the easiest to entry might well be genrotology although i don't think its any easier to study. but i don't want to do that! =( i don't want community health too. oh... wait... if i want to be a nurse practioner like those oversea- travel ard to home-visit and do clinic session sort- maybe it will be a good discipline?! hmm... interesting... let me go and dig out more... any advise?!