after reading a friend's blog entry, i promptly came to my dashboard on blogspot and deleted a previous entry. i still don't regret what i had said. the frustration is real and so is the tingle of sadness. but my actions/ speech as a fellow believer to the new leader shall be more merciful.
still i don't believe in loving blindly. i will acknowledge you as my new leader, i will accept the weird rostering, i will take the remarks and unreasonable requests (as least in my views) but once respect and awe is lost, it is forever. good leaders are hard to come by, for my past 20+ yrs, i had only encounter 2 to 3 persons that are worthy to be call GOOD. and i realise these are the people who stick by their principles and remain strong in their believes. oh how i inspire to be them but sadly i hate frontal crashes. for a while i will struggle to maintain what i believe in but after a long time of persecution... i realise i will simply surrender and go with the flow. =( how sad! "only dead fishes go with the flow!" and i suppose part of me is dying already! *sniff*
what's going on with the 'energy' in the workplace? maybe the charka not smooth lar! or maybe the senior who had left us had along with them moved the pillars of standards and expectations from the workplace? leaving the new girls (not all, ok!) nursing in the "like this can, like that also not wrong lar" cradle of growth? or maybe its just the quality of the new girls?! i DUNOE! cuz i am no perfect being. the more i complaint the more it will come back to haunt me. so from now on i will just sit, act blurrrr... (i think i am good at that) and do the necessary lor. no more, no less. perhaps that is the only way to live well, sleep well, eat well and not have any stress induced gastric flu. =_=||
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
updates
after blogging 2 entries in a go, i decided that i will put up yet another entry. in case i go missing for a while again. =P
very soon i will be taking a long break from work (2 weeks only lar) and when i am back, i will be going back on normal rotational shift. i am really looking forward to the mad crazy in the day shifts. yet a little worried cuz i don't know if i am able to cope having been on night for so long! hopefully i will be able to do well and pick up new skills/ knowledge when i am back on rotational shift. =)
of cuz had been on perm night had certainly make me more caution with my work. caution to - write those PT/OT/ B.L ref dates in the allocated slot, to print enough stickers for usage, to file my results and to file it in the RIGHT places and to label my casefile and imr. so i hope i will continue to bring it with me even when i am back on the crazy, busy like mad day shifts.
very soon i will be taking a long break from work (2 weeks only lar) and when i am back, i will be going back on normal rotational shift. i am really looking forward to the mad crazy in the day shifts. yet a little worried cuz i don't know if i am able to cope having been on night for so long! hopefully i will be able to do well and pick up new skills/ knowledge when i am back on rotational shift. =)
of cuz had been on perm night had certainly make me more caution with my work. caution to - write those PT/OT/ B.L ref dates in the allocated slot, to print enough stickers for usage, to file my results and to file it in the RIGHT places and to label my casefile and imr. so i hope i will continue to bring it with me even when i am back on the crazy, busy like mad day shifts.
spot the difference!
can someone kindly tell me the difference between
1- (3x/ day) TDS vs 8 hourly
2- (4x/day) QDS vs 6 hourly
as a medical ward nurse i am tickled by what i am seeing and hearing! =) please please please leave ur answer in my comment box!!
1- (3x/ day) TDS vs 8 hourly
2- (4x/day) QDS vs 6 hourly
as a medical ward nurse i am tickled by what i am seeing and hearing! =) please please please leave ur answer in my comment box!!
Monday, September 24, 2007
busy?!
it had been a long time since i last blog. wonder what i am busy with? err... if u r thinking baby.... WRONG!! LOL...
my latest beaut.... QUE SERA SERA... yes, its korean drama YET AGAIN! lol... although the main lead (male) looks like a monkey! LOL! his a lovable monkey in this drama. =P otherwise i seriously don't think i will be bother to go all gaga over him! =P the female lead is pretty. she got what i call the X-factor look. sweet but not too over, plain but with that tiny-weeny bit of attractiveness. and almost all innocent and navie look. wo...wow!
watch this MV for a glimpse of the very VERY complicated relation that the leads have.
i love the songs in the drama!!! but too bad its a new drama so new that singapore isn't carrying its DVD/ VCD/ OST CD. =( online purchase?? listen to these 2 songs. isn't it great?
my latest beaut.... QUE SERA SERA... yes, its korean drama YET AGAIN! lol... although the main lead (male) looks like a monkey! LOL! his a lovable monkey in this drama. =P otherwise i seriously don't think i will be bother to go all gaga over him! =P the female lead is pretty. she got what i call the X-factor look. sweet but not too over, plain but with that tiny-weeny bit of attractiveness. and almost all innocent and navie look. wo...wow!
watch this MV for a glimpse of the very VERY complicated relation that the leads have.
i love the songs in the drama!!! but too bad its a new drama so new that singapore isn't carrying its DVD/ VCD/ OST CD. =( online purchase?? listen to these 2 songs. isn't it great?
Monday, September 17, 2007
what does "loving you" means?
every now and then i will recall this Internet passage that i read somewhere, somehow. but it had been so long ago that i can't remember when and how i got the passage.
the story started with 2 persons. man and woman married each other out of passionate love for each other. the initial years were full of challenges however love seems to conquers all mistakes and unpleasant happenings. or perhaps we could call it the blinding effect of love.
however as the marriage life progress from its initial honeymoon period to its maintenance period. man and woman had increase tension and was found to be quarreling more than before. woman felt that man was loving her lesser and lesser. she seems to be gifted to spot very little mistake and bad habit of man. to name a few - leaving the toilet seat up everything he was done with the toilet and often not flushing after he had pee-ed. the way man would eat his sandwich and causing bread crumbles to fall all over the table.
woman felt frustrated simply having to clean after man every time he is done with his business. the simple presence of man would stress woman out, having to anticipate how she had to clear after man.
came 1 fine day. woman could take it no longer and broke out in angry and resentment. she screamed at man and told him that she could no longer carry on living with man; she wanted out of this relationship. however with every angry word she said, sadness clouded the speech and hot tears rolled down her cheeks. it was clear that woman was still feeling but... man wanted to save the relationship and he wanted woman to stay with him til "death do them apart". both agreed to allow time for them to cool down before approaching this issue of separation again.
finally man and woman sat down and decided to find a way to salvage their years of marriage. each took a piece of paper and decided to write down the things that they wanted the other to understand or change in order for their relationship to work out. woman started writing with much zest. while man started slow. however after 30 minutes woman had ran out of topics to write. she turned and saw man still diligently writing with no sign of stopping. another 30 mins past, man was still writing now into his 2nd piece of paper.
woman thought "why did he had so much to write? he must be really unhappy with me." then she started to sniff, followed by a soft sob which then turned out to be a great loud wailing. man stopped, taken by surprise, looked up puzzled and asked woman why she was crying. woman stood up walked over to man and snatched his pieces of paper... reading the words written all over the paper, woman cried even louder than ever. on those papers where these words "I LOVE YOU".
on reflection... woman was picking on man for everything he did, she was seeing him through her brain, while man was seeing her through his heart- filled with loving adoration for her. the perfect setting for a relationship because i love thus i will look past your imperfection.
but then you may argue that the reason why man wrote "I LOVE YOU" instead of listing the stuff that he dislike of woman is because... man always try to "siam" through trouble by 'buying" or "sweet talking" their way out! so its of little wonder why man wrote that 3 words! and of cuz... what else can/ dare man comment of woman!? after all woman are always right and perfect! LOL... =P
the story started with 2 persons. man and woman married each other out of passionate love for each other. the initial years were full of challenges however love seems to conquers all mistakes and unpleasant happenings. or perhaps we could call it the blinding effect of love.
however as the marriage life progress from its initial honeymoon period to its maintenance period. man and woman had increase tension and was found to be quarreling more than before. woman felt that man was loving her lesser and lesser. she seems to be gifted to spot very little mistake and bad habit of man. to name a few - leaving the toilet seat up everything he was done with the toilet and often not flushing after he had pee-ed. the way man would eat his sandwich and causing bread crumbles to fall all over the table.
woman felt frustrated simply having to clean after man every time he is done with his business. the simple presence of man would stress woman out, having to anticipate how she had to clear after man.
came 1 fine day. woman could take it no longer and broke out in angry and resentment. she screamed at man and told him that she could no longer carry on living with man; she wanted out of this relationship. however with every angry word she said, sadness clouded the speech and hot tears rolled down her cheeks. it was clear that woman was still feeling but... man wanted to save the relationship and he wanted woman to stay with him til "death do them apart". both agreed to allow time for them to cool down before approaching this issue of separation again.
finally man and woman sat down and decided to find a way to salvage their years of marriage. each took a piece of paper and decided to write down the things that they wanted the other to understand or change in order for their relationship to work out. woman started writing with much zest. while man started slow. however after 30 minutes woman had ran out of topics to write. she turned and saw man still diligently writing with no sign of stopping. another 30 mins past, man was still writing now into his 2nd piece of paper.
woman thought "why did he had so much to write? he must be really unhappy with me." then she started to sniff, followed by a soft sob which then turned out to be a great loud wailing. man stopped, taken by surprise, looked up puzzled and asked woman why she was crying. woman stood up walked over to man and snatched his pieces of paper... reading the words written all over the paper, woman cried even louder than ever. on those papers where these words "I LOVE YOU".
on reflection... woman was picking on man for everything he did, she was seeing him through her brain, while man was seeing her through his heart- filled with loving adoration for her. the perfect setting for a relationship because i love thus i will look past your imperfection.
but then you may argue that the reason why man wrote "I LOVE YOU" instead of listing the stuff that he dislike of woman is because... man always try to "siam" through trouble by 'buying" or "sweet talking" their way out! so its of little wonder why man wrote that 3 words! and of cuz... what else can/ dare man comment of woman!? after all woman are always right and perfect! LOL... =P
benefits
is it true that grass always is greener at the other side of the bank? =(
i am thinking this question out aloud. will i stay in this health group after my 3 yr bond? there is basically nothing much holding me back here. ya, i got friends but not strong enough to hold me down here. anyway, most of my dear friends are planning to break them bond soon. =( i am already browsing the other group's webby to see what are the opening there.
1 thing for sure is that i want to be working in a big hospital cuz there are more learning opportunities.
anyway, degree courses opening aren't open til next year. til then...
i am thinking this question out aloud. will i stay in this health group after my 3 yr bond? there is basically nothing much holding me back here. ya, i got friends but not strong enough to hold me down here. anyway, most of my dear friends are planning to break them bond soon. =( i am already browsing the other group's webby to see what are the opening there.
1 thing for sure is that i want to be working in a big hospital cuz there are more learning opportunities.
anyway, degree courses opening aren't open til next year. til then...
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
secret..shhh...
finally watched the movie. wow! i like it cuz its a time travel story. but its not very realistic isn't it? ok, for the fun of it (as a movie) and for entertainment, its quite good. cool guy, sweet girl and beautiful music whatelse can we pick on? =P
its just amazing how those chaps pulling down the building did not heard the piano plays! LOL... maybe it was really too noisy?! i read some comments left by pple saying that it had no ending but i thot the ending was pretty clear?! Jay went back time and he changed the ending of xiaoyu dying of heartache. but i suppose she did evenutally still die in some mental instituation!? haha... imagine having a boyfriend that only appears to you! *faint* but of cuz they could settle down, talk abt the future eg. how to meet again in 20 yrs time and how Jay will eventually marry his own mummy's ex-classmates who might be in her 40s at that time! LOL... then Jay can play his way back to 1990s. =P
it makes me think of the Jap movie "be with you (or is it me?!)" again. =) but too bad, i think JK was the one who loaned me the movie. so... i shall watch it on internet instead. =P
its just amazing how those chaps pulling down the building did not heard the piano plays! LOL... maybe it was really too noisy?! i read some comments left by pple saying that it had no ending but i thot the ending was pretty clear?! Jay went back time and he changed the ending of xiaoyu dying of heartache. but i suppose she did evenutally still die in some mental instituation!? haha... imagine having a boyfriend that only appears to you! *faint* but of cuz they could settle down, talk abt the future eg. how to meet again in 20 yrs time and how Jay will eventually marry his own mummy's ex-classmates who might be in her 40s at that time! LOL... then Jay can play his way back to 1990s. =P
it makes me think of the Jap movie "be with you (or is it me?!)" again. =) but too bad, i think JK was the one who loaned me the movie. so... i shall watch it on internet instead. =P
Sunday, September 9, 2007
lost wt?!
had lunch with my in-laws today. and we chatted a bit here and there. for some weird reason i don't really enjoy chatting with them. =P but i like to listen to the conversation. in order to get me to contribute my mom-in-law shifted to the topic of losing wt! LOL...
someone make a comment to her during one of the relative's recent wedding that i had lost some wt. hahaha... guess what was my reply?! "huh? not really. i don't think so. perhaps that's because the last she saw me was during the chinese new year." and thank God the topic shifted to my hubby.
aiyo... the topic of lossing weight, gaining it or how to do the both make it all sound so BIMBOTIC!! yes...yes it does! its almost as HIMBOTIC to hear guys discuss how to make their muscle cuts sharper and stuff. *faint* but then again... vanity rules the world isn't it? *sigh*
maybe next time we should start our causal conversation with "hi there. how's ur bowel movement recent? still smooth and everyday?!" LOL... that will be so awkward and funny!! =P
someone make a comment to her during one of the relative's recent wedding that i had lost some wt. hahaha... guess what was my reply?! "huh? not really. i don't think so. perhaps that's because the last she saw me was during the chinese new year." and thank God the topic shifted to my hubby.
aiyo... the topic of lossing weight, gaining it or how to do the both make it all sound so BIMBOTIC!! yes...yes it does! its almost as HIMBOTIC to hear guys discuss how to make their muscle cuts sharper and stuff. *faint* but then again... vanity rules the world isn't it? *sigh*
maybe next time we should start our causal conversation with "hi there. how's ur bowel movement recent? still smooth and everyday?!" LOL... that will be so awkward and funny!! =P
Friday, September 7, 2007
corrinne may- beautiful seed
ever since i heard from a friend that corrinne may's new ablum is out on sales. i had been wanting to get my hands on it. oh well... if u had knew me well enough, u will know that i do enjoy corrinne may's 1st two ablums. =)
i like corrinne may's deep yet clear voice. her music is very clean and smoothing too. its like crystal yet with more substances. my vocab just isn't good and rich enough to describe all that i wish to. but well... u better go and get an ablum and listen it for yourself. =)
this 3rd ablum seems a little different from the 1st two. hmmm... can't point out what the differences are but it gives me a entire different feeling from the 1st two. can't decide if its a better or worse feeling, just different blah.
oh did i mention the lyrics? its all written by corrinne may herself! wow!! i hope i read the ablum right and did not deprive anyone of their rightful honor. =P the lyrics are simple yet beautiful. every song carries with it a story to be told. i like! =)
--------------------------------------------
Beautiful Seed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(2006, Corrmay Gourmet Music-ASCAP)
You can fill the darkness wih just 1 flash of light
Break the silence with just 1 word
1 defiance starts a revolution
1 life can save the world
On the steps of Washington
Sprinkled like confetti
Thousands of people sing "We shall overcome"
The preacher shouts "Let freedom ring"
He gave his life for what he believed
You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future
Shout it, don't whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed
She's a pastor daughter
She is only 16
But her heart and belly are breaking at the seams
Her boyfriend blames her, he wants to pay
for the doctor to wash it away
As she lays in the hospital
A Christmas choir is singing
About a child in a manger, fragile and small
"Unto us is born a Savior"
She looks at her baby and cries as she sings him a lullaby
You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future in the tiniest whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed
Every hope, every power lies in the heart of a seed that flowers
Interwined all across the land
We're all seeds in the maker's hand
--------------------------------------------
what do you see from the lyrics of this song "beautiful seed"? i felt my heart thugged a little at the part of the unwed mother; daughter of a pastor! aiyo... shouldn't she know better than to...?!?! perhaps that's why she cried carrying her baby?!?! feeling of thankgiving or guilt or hope or faith or forgiveness? hmm... i don't really know.
but i guess the main message in this song is to say that every person is a beautiful seed that the maker had planted for something great. may it be a preacher, a normal tom/dick/jane or even an unwed mother and her out of the wed-lock child.
maybe i will blog abt my views on unwed-motherhood, fatherless children and pre-marriage pregnancy.
i like corrinne may's deep yet clear voice. her music is very clean and smoothing too. its like crystal yet with more substances. my vocab just isn't good and rich enough to describe all that i wish to. but well... u better go and get an ablum and listen it for yourself. =)
this 3rd ablum seems a little different from the 1st two. hmmm... can't point out what the differences are but it gives me a entire different feeling from the 1st two. can't decide if its a better or worse feeling, just different blah.
oh did i mention the lyrics? its all written by corrinne may herself! wow!! i hope i read the ablum right and did not deprive anyone of their rightful honor. =P the lyrics are simple yet beautiful. every song carries with it a story to be told. i like! =)
--------------------------------------------
Beautiful Seed
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(2006, Corrmay Gourmet Music-ASCAP)
You can fill the darkness wih just 1 flash of light
Break the silence with just 1 word
1 defiance starts a revolution
1 life can save the world
On the steps of Washington
Sprinkled like confetti
Thousands of people sing "We shall overcome"
The preacher shouts "Let freedom ring"
He gave his life for what he believed
You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future
Shout it, don't whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed
She's a pastor daughter
She is only 16
But her heart and belly are breaking at the seams
Her boyfriend blames her, he wants to pay
for the doctor to wash it away
As she lays in the hospital
A Christmas choir is singing
About a child in a manger, fragile and small
"Unto us is born a Savior"
She looks at her baby and cries as she sings him a lullaby
You can be a witness
You can be a prophet
You can make the whole world believe
Break the strongest fortress
Change the way the world thinks
You can build a bridge where foes can meet
Hope for the future in the tiniest whisper
Dreams are what we make them to be
There is hope in every heartbeat
Tiny as it seems
You're a beautiful seed
Every hope, every power lies in the heart of a seed that flowers
Interwined all across the land
We're all seeds in the maker's hand
--------------------------------------------
what do you see from the lyrics of this song "beautiful seed"? i felt my heart thugged a little at the part of the unwed mother; daughter of a pastor! aiyo... shouldn't she know better than to...?!?! perhaps that's why she cried carrying her baby?!?! feeling of thankgiving or guilt or hope or faith or forgiveness? hmm... i don't really know.
but i guess the main message in this song is to say that every person is a beautiful seed that the maker had planted for something great. may it be a preacher, a normal tom/dick/jane or even an unwed mother and her out of the wed-lock child.
maybe i will blog abt my views on unwed-motherhood, fatherless children and pre-marriage pregnancy.
Thursday, September 6, 2007
do u know me?!
extrovert vs introvert? can we be both at the same time? hmm... =_=?!
i think i am a born extrovert but introvert by trainning. why do i say that? having been thru all those personality test e.g. DISC, Myers-Briggs. i am always 'diagnosed' to be an extrovert. but i am not ALWAYS that loud and colorful!
when i am very comfortable with the pple, the environment and myself; that loud personality of mine will take the center stage. but as a friend ever told me "esther, u have terrible mood swing." i can become quiet suddenly too. what do i mean by a trained introvert? just like how we can be trained to be a public speaker to gather that sort of energy level to stir the crowd; a trained introvert learns to retreat to a personal space and reflects. the same time this trained introvert shows great interest in other's feelings and thoughts thru listening. =) i like this part the most, after a while, i realised i enjoy listening to others speak more than rattling on and on about myself! =P
however seeing me blog about myself to the public doesn't seems so introvert after all, yah? =P therefore... this is me. a few pple had commented that my loud and often open personality can easily make pple ard me comfortable to draw near to me and with my keen interest in others (hahaha... KPO-ness?!) creates an opportunity for pple to open up to me. but if that is really so... how come i don't have many close friends that does that leh?! hmm... thought for thoughts...
til the next time.... Cheerios!
i think i am a born extrovert but introvert by trainning. why do i say that? having been thru all those personality test e.g. DISC, Myers-Briggs. i am always 'diagnosed' to be an extrovert. but i am not ALWAYS that loud and colorful!
when i am very comfortable with the pple, the environment and myself; that loud personality of mine will take the center stage. but as a friend ever told me "esther, u have terrible mood swing." i can become quiet suddenly too. what do i mean by a trained introvert? just like how we can be trained to be a public speaker to gather that sort of energy level to stir the crowd; a trained introvert learns to retreat to a personal space and reflects. the same time this trained introvert shows great interest in other's feelings and thoughts thru listening. =) i like this part the most, after a while, i realised i enjoy listening to others speak more than rattling on and on about myself! =P
however seeing me blog about myself to the public doesn't seems so introvert after all, yah? =P therefore... this is me. a few pple had commented that my loud and often open personality can easily make pple ard me comfortable to draw near to me and with my keen interest in others (hahaha... KPO-ness?!) creates an opportunity for pple to open up to me. but if that is really so... how come i don't have many close friends that does that leh?! hmm... thought for thoughts...
til the next time.... Cheerios!
Wednesday, September 5, 2007
for the past 2 weeks...
had not been updating recently. so what's up with me? nothing much although lots had happened. no... no... i am feeling fine. when i said lots had happened i meant purely events. lunar 7th months and yet i am still hearing news of people getting married and stuff =) then there are also death cases. there are also some doubts in my calling (AGAIN!?!) and some crashes with my 'boss'.
i guess i am more mature now?!?! cuz i may be bothered by those stuff but after a while i could swiftly move on with being myself. boy! am i glad with my development. haha... but i too wonder if it can be a sign of me getting dull in my spirit?! hmm...
had been having a good COMMUNICATING relationship with Daddy Almighty. =) doing my time alone with God diligently and learning new things from old stuff! amazing!! its really amazing, cuz i hate having to re-read the same book again knowing what to expect and lesson to be learnt. i actually verbalised that out during 1 cell meeting! LOL... of cuz apart from the standard answer of how the same scripture, same words and all will speak to us differently depending on the prompting of the Holy Spirit and the situation we might be in; my cell leader told me something else which i had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN! hahaah... but it convicted me to seek God diligently. =) although she doesn't know of this blog, i pray that she knows how much she had impact me even when she seems all disappointed with the cell. *sigh*
so ta-da... thats me! all well and healthy. going for a flu jab tommorrow while sulking on how shitty it is to be on night shift and not being able to attend the Med Onco training that was opened to non-onco SN today. *argh*
i guess i am more mature now?!?! cuz i may be bothered by those stuff but after a while i could swiftly move on with being myself. boy! am i glad with my development. haha... but i too wonder if it can be a sign of me getting dull in my spirit?! hmm...
had been having a good COMMUNICATING relationship with Daddy Almighty. =) doing my time alone with God diligently and learning new things from old stuff! amazing!! its really amazing, cuz i hate having to re-read the same book again knowing what to expect and lesson to be learnt. i actually verbalised that out during 1 cell meeting! LOL... of cuz apart from the standard answer of how the same scripture, same words and all will speak to us differently depending on the prompting of the Holy Spirit and the situation we might be in; my cell leader told me something else which i had TOTALLY FORGOTTEN! hahaah... but it convicted me to seek God diligently. =) although she doesn't know of this blog, i pray that she knows how much she had impact me even when she seems all disappointed with the cell. *sigh*
so ta-da... thats me! all well and healthy. going for a flu jab tommorrow while sulking on how shitty it is to be on night shift and not being able to attend the Med Onco training that was opened to non-onco SN today. *argh*
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