irony of life

having been married for 7 years now. amazing that i had maintain it well enough for these years. during these years i had grown and learnt, found my goals and inspiration to move on towards to. within these years, people had gotten married, preg and preg again while i am still who i was years before. thinking of the differences i wonder what is my lot in life. if only i know it then i can plan along with it. but too bad i don't and perhaps that's the excitment of living?

death and dying

a theory that we were all told to read up well for our exam; death and dying. knowing the differences between the 2 did not really evoked anything special but subtly it reminded me a few patients whom i had the privilege of being part of their dying process and eventually their death. a few whom had touched me tremendously, left an unknown scar in my life chapters. yet, i did repress my feelings because i don't believe in being too involve in any patients' or relatives' lives. i believe as a health care worker, one needs to be able to take those bonds whenever needed.

grieving is also a process. weeping is the process for 1 to get go and regain oneself. from calling weeping to deep weeping to finally the letting go weep, all these sound no... rather it painted a wonderful visual of how a therapy is. a shrink sitting on the chair and the patient laying on a couch as they revisit the past, the patient is encouraged to grief over the lost. and the types of crying is exactly as i had remembered from all those chinese drama; the wife will weep and call out the died man "why... why must u leave us? come back! come back!!" as she cries out for the died man, she hit the corpse and accuse him off leaving. then come the 2nd stage. she then started to hit herself calling herself a wretch, jinx and stuffs like "what am i to do now?" finally over lots of scenes of crying kids and relatives gathering around the widow and kids..blah blah blah... she finally cries and look deeply and fonding at the pictures of the deceased and utter crappy stuffs like "i love u. i will always love u but i am letting u go now. be at rest now. i will be fine." then she seals it with a kiss onto the picture. (crappy and so over used but boy! don't we fall for it forever!?)

i guess the next time i nurse a patient and the patient falls under either one of this trajectories:

• linger
• crisis
• expected-quick
• spot
• danger- period
• unexpected-quick

i will do the same grieving process/ work to ease my sorrows... but then who will remain to care for the family and the rest of patients?! hmm... i think i need a shrink!

its feeling real and i am 'home?'

went back to gh today for field visit and interestingly enough the staff there that took the deg module with me were actually so friendly to me. i know she is friendly even from school but to be that nice to me, i never thought possible. ok not very nice, just friendly...like an old friend. afterall i am not that sort that will be so friendly to people that i don't know too well. i felt welcome...welcome home. =)

the it was lazing around time. lets admit it, its not fun to go on field visit when its just observing (thats because i am not proactive, i just want it over with =P) but the changes in the dept was amazing. glad that i went for this field visit afterall which gh staff will know that its renovated to this extend and where is what now, unless u had been there? so i am glad at least i know. =)

then came the exciting part. an ex-school mate is preg! 2 kids in 3 years? wow... how productive and blessed. then there are so many familiar faces that bothered to said hi to me. i am really glad and touched. then i managed to talk to the CIs, since i was there to settle some business. it was really nice that people remember me, even if it was just vague memories. then i got insider cuts. lol... i bet most staff already knew of the new development in the work place but having no extended wire into the organisation since i 'left' these news are rather new and exciting for me to know. =)

went back to the ward and was glad to see the others so well and functioning great. familiar faces just well up my emotions (just when i tot i might not have some. =P) although we had a rather uneventful working relationship, i don't think i can be consider the best friend of anyone. so i won't expect big hi's and hey i miss u sort of stuff. nevertheless i do feel for the people and i am glad they do remember me too. =)

the best...best...best...best... thing that happened is that i met BAO jie!!! =) heeheehee... she dyed her hair heeheee... for some weird reason i really like her and miss her too. although she is the quiet quiet one and we don't work together much. i like her. maybe because she is older and a really calm and mellow person? just like bee... but bee more aggressive leh. heehe... anyway... i am so glad! we even took photo!! =)

school is over and soon i will be back in the ward but i am not sure where i would be posted yet. but i suppose surgical side. but someone scare me that i may be post to the new ward too. whatever it may be, i want to be happy working wherever it is and learn stuff. (i think i am addicted to challenges and learning).