its week 7 of sch and i am tuning in to the rhythm and demand. although there is constantly little/no supply, the demand is endless! lol...
bio test wk 8, med-surg test wk 9 and my degree last exam (hopefully nothing happens) in that wk 9 too. *sweat*
field visit had brought me to places (actually 3 only so far. =P) i felt general ward w speciality focus is well... just a general ward (in my view), people are more friendly and patients are happier (is it because they are more well?). HD setting... err... i think its something that i can handle. patients are generally rather well but not 100% yet, communcation with patients is easier but maybe the visitor's restriction limit patients aren't generally very cheerful but good for nurses, peace and quietness but enough communication to cheer one up. ICU... i don't like! people must be very stress there, not friendly- team work yes but on the job goofy-ness *shake head* nah... they aren't very friendly or approachable i feel. but my "smelly-face" will fit that setting best cuz everyone is like that even when not so busy. too stressful i felt, even when things are fine they are just waiting for things to happen so very tense up. also the patients are so so messy with all the different tubes, cables and lines sticking in and out of them. very messy i don't like. plus patients are generally just sleeping (is it cuz the air-con?! good to sleep mah) all the time, even when their aren't they are just too weak/ breathless/ restless (due to abnormal pH, etc) to hold a quality conversation. oh... and the families must be very anxious sort, i can't really stand people coming to me every hour, min and day just for updates. although i understand the feeling of helplessness and anxiety, i am just a human not a saint who just want to get my work done before tell people "i feel your concern about your papa's condition, would you like to talk about it and let me see how i can help you."
heard a friend is pending promotion to SSN, post-adv dip. i am glad for him and i am sure he will fit the position well with his organized thought process and great EQ. then i thought... what about me? no...i am not jealous about his promotion! i am fearful that i might not be wise enough, smart enough and totally unable to fit into the SSN position, if the door open for me after grad. what if i cannot explain the pathophysiology and dx management to the patients, my jrs and even myself? what if i can't recognise an abnormal ECG, IA/ CVP reading or fail to explain the actions of the medicines? can i really fit into that position, that expectation?
that fear sort of overcomes me then i thought... my desire to be an APN run my own pracitice. if i can't even be a SSN how the hell can i be an APN and allow patients to trust me and let me hold their hands thru illness and death.
*sigh*....
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