clamped up

case 1
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i no longer see the need to quarrel and scream or kick my feet to show my anger. someone upset me at work recently, he said something that is so hurting. damn it. and i thought we were on good terms but he did something wrong. stupid damn ass. naive and childish. there is a difference between friendly and disrespect and i hate it if someone thinks i am being disrespectful (in comparison there are lots of others that are REALLY disrespectful! get your idea right!). so...young man, you want to play the ranks card? fine... we will just be that.

i was so hurt by his mindless comment and i shot back. "ok, fine... in that case, i will not respect u if you...." at that moment i had totally clamped up to him. idiot! days after that he actually acted all chummy and come ask me how is that and this, my reply "i am the junior today, please ask my in-charge". act all friendly with me? my reply is simple cold and hard. yes, sir. i have clamped up totally. i thought i can help to make you life better by helping you, when the world seems to hate you but that is how you want to put yourself above me in terms of ranks and qualification? fine... you got it. mind you dear sirs and mdm... nurses are the one that deal with your actual clients 24/7, 1 poison dart and you will be nursing you way to the quality dept very soon!!! of cuz... we are not that evil but don't push us too far.... those people lying on the beds may be YOUR clients but may be OUR friends instead...

case 2
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so you are sick? i hate it when someone plays the 'pity' me card at work. no... i do understand if you are sick, you are sick and need help. i am fine and most willing to help. I AM DAMN HELPFUL and always goes all the way to do so. but not if YOU HAVE A TRACK RECORD OF NEVER HELPING YOUR FELLOW CO-WORKER ALL THE TIME...! then... telling me you are having a problem with your.... wat do you want from me then?! am i being too critical or sensitive??? or am i right to assume that with you telling me that, you are expecting me to help way and beyond the lazy norm of yours? I TOTALLY HATE IT WHEN I AM PLACE IN THE SAME ROOM WITH THIS PERSON. maybe as a work-friend, she is fine but not when we are in the same room!

i am too hard to please. i bet nobody likes to be in the same room as me anyway, and nobody likes to be in the same room as her -_-|| so... in all possibility, putting us together will yield better response with the majority?! damn it. tick for tack... she wants to do it this way, then i will just do the necessary... no point value add. arghh.... but its so not me!! cuz i am patient oriented, i want the people under my care to be happy and well...so i can't just leave the call bells ringing and stuff.. argh... i am so so so damn pissed... so upset that i didn't even sleep last night. feel like slapping her and call her names! argh....... in all attempt to control my UNHAPPINESS (ever since the minute i saw my name with hers in the same assignment)

although i know Kat would said to success in this world one have to keep smiling at all time and only then the bosses will know you are capable to handle stress and is a team-player regardless of; honestly i don't really care if i am branded the not co-operative one! com'on... why should i get stomach-ulcer acting all chummy to everyone when i know i am not. i want to be true to myself and my feelings... argh... i need to live in some rual mountain temple or something where i am free to be crazy as i please.