my 1st exam after 2 yrs of hiatus. i have hardly study, no matter how hard i tried nothing seems to entry my thick skull. damn it!
am i doom to be a skill worker with no qualification?!?! omg! that will make me not even a middle class but a working class! working class have the lowest life expectancy! so ... i have no hope to live til 80yrs old liao!! *sob* its all the fault of social injustise! damn those upper class pple how own the majority of the country's resources, leaving barely <2% of the country's resources to share among the rest of the bottom 50% of its citizens! (sorry... infor is only correct if u live in australia =P)
yes, u guess it right! i am going for my sociology exam in a few hours time thus my previous paragraph on all those socio stuff. i am confident in passing this module but i doubt if it will be a B. rather.. if i get a C+ i am ok with it.
will update on my exam II soon... afterall my next paper (Bio.) is on 12 June. i suspect i will get a D for that paper (at best). *sigh* does prayers really work? i wonder...
Monday, June 9, 2008
Thursday, June 5, 2008
out of the hell hole
met someone today, she asked me when i am going to hand in my transfer request form. i told her soon but is it going to be soon? i ponder about that. so many people had been picked to move out and so many request to be out, what about me? should i just sit around and wait for fate or chance to move me or should i activity seek for my cheese? my cheese had been moved, perhaps its really time to pick up the courage and put down the pride to request and seek for my new fresh cheese.
no point staying in a place to be a 'senior' but not learning new things. imparting is important if learning is constant but what if the one ought to impart had already start to decline or held at standstill... eventually we will all die... i seek new knowledge, new challenges and new adventures.
another reason for my strong motivation to move on is the idiot that sits in front of the computer, telephone, hold the power of making appoints and makes the decision to allocate beds. DAMN HER Fuking IDIOTIC FACE!
i am now in rm27 and the past practise was to divert phone-calls to rm27 after office hours so that administrative stuff can get settled. but this practise SUCKS big time! the next day when the clerk come back to work, she SIMPLY just forget to cut the divert and during the PEAK HOUR of our morning shift the damn phone just keep ringing for NON-NURSING related calls! hello...hello...hello... how many thousand times must we answer the call?!?! ....then... the new direction came saying that the divert will be no more, rather with the cordless phone, an allocated stuff will have to carry the phone during off office hours. BUT STILL THE MESSAGE ONLY GOT TO THE NURSES LOR! the phone was still diverted! DAMN IT!! ok... so it was settle after I WENT STRAIGHT TO THE SISTER ROOM TO ENQUIRE. (now must learnt from the bitch liao) but i have no idea why such ward base information/ instruction takes 2 days to get to the 1 PERSON THAT SHOULD KNOW IT MOST?! on another occasion, she has the cheek to ask WHAT IS WARD 77 and HOW COME SHE DON'T KNOW ABT IT?! huh??? all the nurses knew it, it was in the message book for 3 days liao leh... STUPID! is the central message ONLY FOR NURSES???? its for the WARD.. so isn't that bitch working in the WARD??! oh... damn it.. i forgot... she belong to the heaven's (or is it hell?) manpower headcount...so VERY DIFFERENT FROM US... we are merely coo-chi-coo-rah in her eyes huh?! my anger burns deep within me! how i wish to do certain things to her and her work-desk.. but i will resist!
another incident... nowadays the Business Office lady will call our individual rooms and ask "who's for discharge?" shouldn't it be the clerk's job to inform!?? why us!?? when i ask the staff to confirm with the clerk she said "your clerk tell me to call the individual room" huh?!?!?!?!? our 5Cs is stupid lor... consistency in POOR PERFORMANCE AND SHITTY WORK IS REWARDED AND APPRAISED AS TRUE CONSISTENCY!?!??! HOW BLIND CAN THE MANAGEMENT AND THOSE THAT VOTE HER BE?!?!
yet another incident... a staff from SNEC called me and ask me for the old notes of a certain patient. but old notes of discharge patients are handle by that bitch! so i ask her to check with her... the reply from the other side (word for word) "i called her just now for another thing and she was so rude! i don't want to deal with her already. if she is rude to me again, i will complaint about her." my reply? well i totally agreed with her so i said "yah, i think so too. but i don't have any discharged patients' notes in my room leh. let me re-direct you to my clerk, pls hold on." tried to direct the line but the line was ENGAGED!!! (as always!) so i took back the call and help the staff on the other line. finally found 2 vol of old notes for the pt... that was discharge 2-3 days ago!!! why were it not cleared in time?!? BEATS ME!!
i had been telling everyone... if 1 day i tender my resignation, it will be within 24 hrs and it will be due to that fulgy bitch! to that i rest my case... am i too emotional? perhaps... yet i am still a believer of "u scratch my back, i'll scratch urs"... u may say i am damn unprofessional and such a brat... no doubt abt it..i admit it...
no point staying in a place to be a 'senior' but not learning new things. imparting is important if learning is constant but what if the one ought to impart had already start to decline or held at standstill... eventually we will all die... i seek new knowledge, new challenges and new adventures.
another reason for my strong motivation to move on is the idiot that sits in front of the computer, telephone, hold the power of making appoints and makes the decision to allocate beds. DAMN HER Fuking IDIOTIC FACE!
i am now in rm27 and the past practise was to divert phone-calls to rm27 after office hours so that administrative stuff can get settled. but this practise SUCKS big time! the next day when the clerk come back to work, she SIMPLY just forget to cut the divert and during the PEAK HOUR of our morning shift the damn phone just keep ringing for NON-NURSING related calls! hello...hello...hello... how many thousand times must we answer the call?!?! ....then... the new direction came saying that the divert will be no more, rather with the cordless phone, an allocated stuff will have to carry the phone during off office hours. BUT STILL THE MESSAGE ONLY GOT TO THE NURSES LOR! the phone was still diverted! DAMN IT!! ok... so it was settle after I WENT STRAIGHT TO THE SISTER ROOM TO ENQUIRE. (now must learnt from the bitch liao) but i have no idea why such ward base information/ instruction takes 2 days to get to the 1 PERSON THAT SHOULD KNOW IT MOST?! on another occasion, she has the cheek to ask WHAT IS WARD 77 and HOW COME SHE DON'T KNOW ABT IT?! huh??? all the nurses knew it, it was in the message book for 3 days liao leh... STUPID! is the central message ONLY FOR NURSES???? its for the WARD.. so isn't that bitch working in the WARD??! oh... damn it.. i forgot... she belong to the heaven's (or is it hell?) manpower headcount...so VERY DIFFERENT FROM US... we are merely coo-chi-coo-rah in her eyes huh?! my anger burns deep within me! how i wish to do certain things to her and her work-desk.. but i will resist!
another incident... nowadays the Business Office lady will call our individual rooms and ask "who's for discharge?" shouldn't it be the clerk's job to inform!?? why us!?? when i ask the staff to confirm with the clerk she said "your clerk tell me to call the individual room" huh?!?!?!?!? our 5Cs is stupid lor... consistency in POOR PERFORMANCE AND SHITTY WORK IS REWARDED AND APPRAISED AS TRUE CONSISTENCY!?!??! HOW BLIND CAN THE MANAGEMENT AND THOSE THAT VOTE HER BE?!?!
yet another incident... a staff from SNEC called me and ask me for the old notes of a certain patient. but old notes of discharge patients are handle by that bitch! so i ask her to check with her... the reply from the other side (word for word) "i called her just now for another thing and she was so rude! i don't want to deal with her already. if she is rude to me again, i will complaint about her." my reply? well i totally agreed with her so i said "yah, i think so too. but i don't have any discharged patients' notes in my room leh. let me re-direct you to my clerk, pls hold on." tried to direct the line but the line was ENGAGED!!! (as always!) so i took back the call and help the staff on the other line. finally found 2 vol of old notes for the pt... that was discharge 2-3 days ago!!! why were it not cleared in time?!? BEATS ME!!
i had been telling everyone... if 1 day i tender my resignation, it will be within 24 hrs and it will be due to that fulgy bitch! to that i rest my case... am i too emotional? perhaps... yet i am still a believer of "u scratch my back, i'll scratch urs"... u may say i am damn unprofessional and such a brat... no doubt abt it..i admit it...
Monday, June 2, 2008
can't stop thinking abt it...
there is this pt laying next to my counter. she is clinically ill but otherwise seems well. she is often drowsy thus sleeping and i realised she was not eating well. ok, i admit she seems getting better than when she 1st came in. her team however seems to be going easy with her and i strongly think that '老子' doesn't know his patient very well lor.
i had not nurse this pt for 2 or 3 days in between so i don't know if she had been through this and that. but her team ought to know mah. he ordered this test which the pt had already done 2 days ago when the nurses tell him, he was like 'is it?' *faint* and still want to argue!! the nurse that push the pt tat day and stay with her at the lab was in the room lor! *faint* then since that '老子' was in the room, i pointed that the pt's IMR diet had been on NBM and never r/v! pt is already eating for days liao. ok, maybe i was nasty to say "please change, if JCI track this pt record for audit we will surely fail one lor". so he change the imr order. than i told him that pt is not swollowing well maybe should refer ST. he just brush it off and said "tmr lar" huh? i thot ST work til 5pm on weekday? i questioned him no more. my conclusion... '老子' is kena_sai!!
at 5 pm, i heard from the PM girl that this pt is for transfer back to the principle ward. but she is not B2 and not starting chemo why going upstair leh, i wonder. my only conclusion is tat '老子' can't stand the idiots (the nurses here?) that seems to think so highly of themselves to suggest this and that to him. but dealing with him only for 2 days i realised tat he is plain LAZY lor!! no wonder '马丽n' didn't lend him a helping hand a few days ago... but then again '马丽n' is not known for being helpful one lor...
PLEASE... NO MORE 'BLOODY' OVERFLOW liao!! saya nak muntah darah *vomits*... =P hey my malayu pow-er sia?! =P
i had not nurse this pt for 2 or 3 days in between so i don't know if she had been through this and that. but her team ought to know mah. he ordered this test which the pt had already done 2 days ago when the nurses tell him, he was like 'is it?' *faint* and still want to argue!! the nurse that push the pt tat day and stay with her at the lab was in the room lor! *faint* then since that '老子' was in the room, i pointed that the pt's IMR diet had been on NBM and never r/v! pt is already eating for days liao. ok, maybe i was nasty to say "please change, if JCI track this pt record for audit we will surely fail one lor". so he change the imr order. than i told him that pt is not swollowing well maybe should refer ST. he just brush it off and said "tmr lar" huh? i thot ST work til 5pm on weekday? i questioned him no more. my conclusion... '老子' is kena_sai!!
at 5 pm, i heard from the PM girl that this pt is for transfer back to the principle ward. but she is not B2 and not starting chemo why going upstair leh, i wonder. my only conclusion is tat '老子' can't stand the idiots (the nurses here?) that seems to think so highly of themselves to suggest this and that to him. but dealing with him only for 2 days i realised tat he is plain LAZY lor!! no wonder '马丽n' didn't lend him a helping hand a few days ago... but then again '马丽n' is not known for being helpful one lor...
PLEASE... NO MORE 'BLOODY' OVERFLOW liao!! saya nak muntah darah *vomits*... =P hey my malayu pow-er sia?! =P
can't stop thinking...
there is this pt laying next to my counter. she is clinically ill but otherwise seems well. she is often drowsy thus sleeping and i realised she was not eating well. ok, i admit she seems getting better than when she 1st came in. her team however seems to be going easy with her and i strongly think that '老子' doesn't know his patient very well lor.
i had not nurse this pt for 2 or 3 days in between so i don't know if she had been through this and that. but her team ought to know mah. he ordered this test which the pt had already done 2 days ago when the nurses tell him, he was like 'is it?' *faint* and still want to argue!! the nurse that push the pt tat day and stay with her at the lab was in the room lor! *faint* then since that '老子' was in the room, i pointed that the pt's IMR diet had been on NBM and never r/v! pt is already eating for days liao. ok, maybe i was nasty to say "please change, if JCI track this pt record for audit we will surely fail one lor". so he change the imr order. than i told him that pt is not swollowing well maybe should refer ST. he just brush it off and said "tmr lar" huh? i thot ST work til 5pm on weekday? i questioned him no more. my conclusion... '老子' is kena_sai!!
at 5 pm, i heard from the PM girl that this pt is for transfer back to the principle ward. but she is not B2 and not starting chemo why going upstair leh, i wonder. my only conclusion is tat '老子' can't stand the idiots (the nurses here?) that seems to think so highly of themselves to suggest this and that to him. but dealing with him only for 2 days i realised tat he is plain LAZY lor!! no wonder '马丽n' didn't lend him a helping hand a few days ago... but then again '马丽n' is not known for being helpful one lor...
PLEASE... NO MORE 'BLOODY' OVERFLOW liao!! saya nak muntah darah *vomits*... =P hey my malayu pow-er sia?! =P
i had not nurse this pt for 2 or 3 days in between so i don't know if she had been through this and that. but her team ought to know mah. he ordered this test which the pt had already done 2 days ago when the nurses tell him, he was like 'is it?' *faint* and still want to argue!! the nurse that push the pt tat day and stay with her at the lab was in the room lor! *faint* then since that '老子' was in the room, i pointed that the pt's IMR diet had been on NBM and never r/v! pt is already eating for days liao. ok, maybe i was nasty to say "please change, if JCI track this pt record for audit we will surely fail one lor". so he change the imr order. than i told him that pt is not swollowing well maybe should refer ST. he just brush it off and said "tmr lar" huh? i thot ST work til 5pm on weekday? i questioned him no more. my conclusion... '老子' is kena_sai!!
at 5 pm, i heard from the PM girl that this pt is for transfer back to the principle ward. but she is not B2 and not starting chemo why going upstair leh, i wonder. my only conclusion is tat '老子' can't stand the idiots (the nurses here?) that seems to think so highly of themselves to suggest this and that to him. but dealing with him only for 2 days i realised tat he is plain LAZY lor!! no wonder '马丽n' didn't lend him a helping hand a few days ago... but then again '马丽n' is not known for being helpful one lor...
PLEASE... NO MORE 'BLOODY' OVERFLOW liao!! saya nak muntah darah *vomits*... =P hey my malayu pow-er sia?! =P
esther ma_ma?
haha... that is what josephine love to call me. haha... if it was called in term of some korean style it should means that she is calling me "lady esther" but i know she meant to call me mama as in mummy or mother lor. haha.. i fat fat so she feels i am so motherly?! haha... funny but sweet.
i tried to be the mummy that i expect myself to be, to the baby of our ward. she is surprisingly not so young lor. she is 22!! hehee... but both our brothers are 15! =P trying to bridge our gap, i asked her out for dinner. we chat a little here and there; about adjusting to the new ward and how life was it like in her 'old' ward. indeed it is different. but wards are like human, no 2 are exactly the same mah. there were awkward silent periods in between cuz i was really tired. =(
we chat a little on expectations and the danger in work. haha... i tried to brain wash her into believing that life is evil, people are non-trustable! haha... no lar... you think i am really that terrible meh?!?! i can see that she is an achiever, setting goals and expectations for herself, wanting to prove she CAN DO IT yet everything she kena was rather shitty. poor girl...
she set a plug but plug get out of vein within 3 hours cuz pt kept accidentally pull and twist it. IDC insertion - the site was so difficult to find and she was too gentle and careful, so took 30 minutes also cannot make it in. but dare not call for help til i peek in and caught her reassuring the pt but actually telling herself that. cuz too much time was wasted and i can't stand standing there holding the light while she kept trying and the pt kept whining. i did it instead. BIG BLOW to her ESTEEM i think. NGT insertion - pt is not a good candidate lor. pt cough cough and tube end up going in thru nose and out the mouth. *faint* but the ambulance was coming liao. i took over and inserted the tube instead. DOUBLE BLOW?! here comes the TRIPLE BLOW! her 1st 3 cases for ic was sucky cases too. 1- had to do 2d echo and was DIL ACTIVE lor. 2- stayed for ~3 weeks and was for d/c to hospice. 3- plain crazy and idiotic case lor. if she had easier cases and smoother skill practises she will gain more confident and be more energised bah.
i think what sadden her to tears are not my comments or what i had said but how she had interpret herself to be. well, at least i am not dealing with a kid that heck-care how the world functions or refuse to admit her lack. i am sure she will make it through and shine in her own special ways...and i don't think she is weak at all lor...
i tried to be the mummy that i expect myself to be, to the baby of our ward. she is surprisingly not so young lor. she is 22!! hehee... but both our brothers are 15! =P trying to bridge our gap, i asked her out for dinner. we chat a little here and there; about adjusting to the new ward and how life was it like in her 'old' ward. indeed it is different. but wards are like human, no 2 are exactly the same mah. there were awkward silent periods in between cuz i was really tired. =(
we chat a little on expectations and the danger in work. haha... i tried to brain wash her into believing that life is evil, people are non-trustable! haha... no lar... you think i am really that terrible meh?!?! i can see that she is an achiever, setting goals and expectations for herself, wanting to prove she CAN DO IT yet everything she kena was rather shitty. poor girl...
she set a plug but plug get out of vein within 3 hours cuz pt kept accidentally pull and twist it. IDC insertion - the site was so difficult to find and she was too gentle and careful, so took 30 minutes also cannot make it in. but dare not call for help til i peek in and caught her reassuring the pt but actually telling herself that. cuz too much time was wasted and i can't stand standing there holding the light while she kept trying and the pt kept whining. i did it instead. BIG BLOW to her ESTEEM i think. NGT insertion - pt is not a good candidate lor. pt cough cough and tube end up going in thru nose and out the mouth. *faint* but the ambulance was coming liao. i took over and inserted the tube instead. DOUBLE BLOW?! here comes the TRIPLE BLOW! her 1st 3 cases for ic was sucky cases too. 1- had to do 2d echo and was DIL ACTIVE lor. 2- stayed for ~3 weeks and was for d/c to hospice. 3- plain crazy and idiotic case lor. if she had easier cases and smoother skill practises she will gain more confident and be more energised bah.
i think what sadden her to tears are not my comments or what i had said but how she had interpret herself to be. well, at least i am not dealing with a kid that heck-care how the world functions or refuse to admit her lack. i am sure she will make it through and shine in her own special ways...and i don't think she is weak at all lor...
Sunday, June 1, 2008
buddy meal?! o_O?!
i don't like to precept SN. cuz there is too much responsibility. i pity those girls that have to work in a ward different from their prcp ward. cuz there is an expectation (realistic or unrealistic, i don't know) for them.
having passed their prcp, they ought to know the workflow but each ward has their own set of flow too plus different setting make it tougher. thus thus... i don't know what to do with the new girl. correct the work not their personality or attitude. that is my motto in guiding my students, of cuz unless they are really ultra slow or lazy. cuz i personally believe each personality exist with a reason- to counter the other personalities out there. so no point moulding a hugh clone of mono-personality in the ward. i am not saying the young girl has any attitude problem. i am just saying it is hard for her to become a SN in our ward just like that. i don't want to drive anyone up the wall or cry, even if i ever had done that i never meant to. i am KIND!
but...but... i never had a proper preceptor! i was a 'bastard child' in my ward to start with. having prcp in the same discipline but different ward, i had a terrible time adjusting to 'new faces'. after that, i have an almost non-existing preceptor whom i NEVER had a relationship with EVER! everything i pick up in the ward was by watching and asking. so i have no idea how i can be of help to guide the young one. i hate myself for not being nice to her, for not having time to explain things to her and how i treated her different to how i treated my prcp kid. ='( plus i am always not around for her. poor kid. how is she going to live happily ever after here???
i know i don't have great buddy friends in the ward unlike those in clicks, i am rather reserve and not many love to be with me. haha.. so how can i help her bond with the rest?! *sigh* may the power be with her... hopefully someone will adopt her in their click and perhaps if they same the common enemy (me?!) they will form a great bond?!?! (see... villains have their purpose in the world too!)
in conclusion... if u read this entry and ward as me... to help to keep a look out for our new kids on the block. or maybe teach me how to be a good 'mummy'??
having passed their prcp, they ought to know the workflow but each ward has their own set of flow too plus different setting make it tougher. thus thus... i don't know what to do with the new girl. correct the work not their personality or attitude. that is my motto in guiding my students, of cuz unless they are really ultra slow or lazy. cuz i personally believe each personality exist with a reason- to counter the other personalities out there. so no point moulding a hugh clone of mono-personality in the ward. i am not saying the young girl has any attitude problem. i am just saying it is hard for her to become a SN in our ward just like that. i don't want to drive anyone up the wall or cry, even if i ever had done that i never meant to. i am KIND!
but...but... i never had a proper preceptor! i was a 'bastard child' in my ward to start with. having prcp in the same discipline but different ward, i had a terrible time adjusting to 'new faces'. after that, i have an almost non-existing preceptor whom i NEVER had a relationship with EVER! everything i pick up in the ward was by watching and asking. so i have no idea how i can be of help to guide the young one. i hate myself for not being nice to her, for not having time to explain things to her and how i treated her different to how i treated my prcp kid. ='( plus i am always not around for her. poor kid. how is she going to live happily ever after here???
i know i don't have great buddy friends in the ward unlike those in clicks, i am rather reserve and not many love to be with me. haha.. so how can i help her bond with the rest?! *sigh* may the power be with her... hopefully someone will adopt her in their click and perhaps if they same the common enemy (me?!) they will form a great bond?!?! (see... villains have their purpose in the world too!)
in conclusion... if u read this entry and ward as me... to help to keep a look out for our new kids on the block. or maybe teach me how to be a good 'mummy'??
advance yourself!
with the increase paper chase, a person with real ability to do these is less valuable paperwise compared to a person with no actual hand-on but with tons of qualitification. excuse is - experience and skill can be gain on the job over time but qualitification is either you have it or you don't have it. hmm... but the same reasoning can work both way isn't it?
the advance diploma is recuiting again. a list of interesting topic awaits- from critical care to med-surg to psy. i wonder if i should apply then do my deg in the evening. but it will be pure madness to try to handle 2 different (yet similar) shit together. i might not even get it too. =(
ok, assume heaven is smiling at me and i get a high chance, what should i opt for? i used to enjoy med-surg (lots to learn) but recently i had development a keen interest in the topic of death. so dying is more associated with Onco the other alternative is pallative (part-time). but pallative in itself is useless unless paired with Onco (in my view). yet my prideful self urge me to try on critical care. critical care sound totally crazy! i don't really like that sort of setting (A&E - touch and go) but ICA/ ICU is pretty tempting.
afterall most of my friends (at least closer ones) from nursing course are already in their 'dream' land. 1 in A&E (although i heard he hates it there now. but... really meh?), 1 FINALLY in OT (i am happy for her), 1 had travel the world round! haha... he had been to rehab, renal and now A&E! haha... ok, i admit i am not VERY close to him. =P then another in ICU, actually 2 in ICU. argh... then me?? i am in a general-general ward,- not even a multi-discipline although we function like one. =(
back to the advance dip. the easiest to entry might well be genrotology although i don't think its any easier to study. but i don't want to do that! =( i don't want community health too. oh... wait... if i want to be a nurse practioner like those oversea- travel ard to home-visit and do clinic session sort- maybe it will be a good discipline?! hmm... interesting... let me go and dig out more... any advise?!
the advance diploma is recuiting again. a list of interesting topic awaits- from critical care to med-surg to psy. i wonder if i should apply then do my deg in the evening. but it will be pure madness to try to handle 2 different (yet similar) shit together. i might not even get it too. =(
ok, assume heaven is smiling at me and i get a high chance, what should i opt for? i used to enjoy med-surg (lots to learn) but recently i had development a keen interest in the topic of death. so dying is more associated with Onco the other alternative is pallative (part-time). but pallative in itself is useless unless paired with Onco (in my view). yet my prideful self urge me to try on critical care. critical care sound totally crazy! i don't really like that sort of setting (A&E - touch and go) but ICA/ ICU is pretty tempting.
afterall most of my friends (at least closer ones) from nursing course are already in their 'dream' land. 1 in A&E (although i heard he hates it there now. but... really meh?), 1 FINALLY in OT (i am happy for her), 1 had travel the world round! haha... he had been to rehab, renal and now A&E! haha... ok, i admit i am not VERY close to him. =P then another in ICU, actually 2 in ICU. argh... then me?? i am in a general-general ward,- not even a multi-discipline although we function like one. =(
back to the advance dip. the easiest to entry might well be genrotology although i don't think its any easier to study. but i don't want to do that! =( i don't want community health too. oh... wait... if i want to be a nurse practioner like those oversea- travel ard to home-visit and do clinic session sort- maybe it will be a good discipline?! hmm... interesting... let me go and dig out more... any advise?!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)