my blog can do a better spell check than my window open office?!

what the ....

bad day (assignment due on mon..shit man!)

do you have such great issue with yourself that it must reflect in your behaviour outwardly? how badly do you think of yourself to think that others would want to treat you like a dog? if you think others actually treat you like that, perhaps the problem is that you are thinking you ARE a dog?! what rubbish is that!?

so much about being nagged at regarding infection prevention. handwashing and rubbing are basic but often overlooked but capping stuff?? well... its a habit people have so no comment liao. nobody is prefect but some are enough to kill others' joy of living. ya..right... girl.. live life the way you intend it to be... selfish and stubborn... ya... live it the way you plan it to be...live it well. *sigh*

weird and hyper

so tired... my eyes were semi-shut this morning. i slept at 3+ rushing my assignment (cycle will repeat itself til assignment submission) then... woke up @6am, physically totally unwilling to get up but mentally up and alert! went off to work and bought my starbuck only to smash it into pieces and my precious drink ended up staining the floor of sgh! argh... i rather it stain my stomach lining!! i was listening to the walkman so i don't know how loud did i 'uttered' my curses at that point of time! haha... lucky i bought sweets! so i overdose myself with mentos! and sweet sugar drives my mind crazy! i was joking with my patients and it was totally weird to see them laugh! not smile leh... laugh! i wanted to faint!!! if i could jump out of my body and watch myself work this morning, i will literally faint + puke + fits. that is how disgusting i felt about myself but the patients seemed to enjoyed a big fat clown around. *faint faint faint*

my 'down-time' came at 10 til 12. as expected (by me) i was getting agitated and super tired! i felt like just hiding under the table and shut my eyes for awhile but no... i can't! and i had to insert a super difficult plug! i spent 45mins in there with the patient. i wanted to cry liao... my eyes burnt by tiredness and feeling vexed out from all that bumps and blood. argh... lucky patients never do anything else to make me feel like 'killing' them. =P my jr not bad keen to help although not perfect (given her being new, very impressive liao). i 'slaved' her so much i felt embarrassed. =P thanks to the night jrs, our morning work was lighter.

when i saw cyn. came on shift, i was so happy!!! (much may explained why i was all so dramatic!) finally... i can see the tiny light at the end of the shift! haha... managed to complete my work (everything!) by 2.30pm and finally... had my coffee at 3pm! i think i MUST STOP drink coffee!! i used to get bad bad bad reaction drinking it but now... i am addicted! damn expensive too. #(@#$&(#@

napped til 9pm and now starting to do my assignment. if only we can read a subject and not have to be tested. *sigh*....

wow...

the world is so big! there are so many things out there for me to explore but i am growing older each day. am i too greedy to want to know them all?

making a new malaysian passport

its not so scary anymore. i remembering having to wake up early and queuing for a form for hours in some terrible dirty and old building in the past. after getting the form, my parents will pull us along to same makeshift stall to get our forms filled, picture taken and document photocopy. then we will stand in another queue again to get a no. to submit our document before heading to the canteen downstair to munch on some b'fast- all said and done before 10am. hsk hsk... can you imagine how early we got to wake up to travel from singapore to malaysia all for that?

as we grew older, things improved and system upgraded. now its so quick and easy! i am impress with the progress the govt had taken. or maybe in the past my parents were not well informed enough to do things the fast and right way? i don't know but with the much appreciated improvement, i won't be complaint much.

the stuff (scary) i read online seems a little unfavourable and not doing any justification to the improvement made. =( i think our Malaysia High Com. in Jervios Rd (SG) had improved greatly! the building is prettier although the initial design is still there and the air con is much welcomed! =) a little lacking in information and direction, i feel, but what the heck?! malaysians are famous for their kampong spirit wat! all we need, was to ask our fellow friendly country-man / woman and they will help by either directing or advising. how cool is that? and even better... the staff are now mostly able to speak simply english! haha... although their faces can still reflect the "i am not so happy to be working" looks. but... how to be happy if u got to work during ur new yr season!? =P

i should had called the hotline earlier that could have saved me 1 trip there. =( so for future references the tel no. is - 67328067 and the website is http://www.imi.gov.my/eng/im_Page1.asp we can get detail information via the hotline and print forms from the website! if not, the form for the passport is S$0.50! ok... if u aren't a cheap-skate, that's fine...cuz i am not. =P and the form actually isn't that tough to fill up on ur own either! =) i did mine (with some great help from my normal marketplace malayu and internet free translating services)!! but i got to admit, getting a malay to fill it up will surely be faster, my advise...print the form and ask ur malay friend to fill it for you then... go to the actual place, buy the form and copy word for word. neat right?

i'm going to archive this entry as important govt stuff so i can ref it again as and when. =)

rumbles

sat was a day of ups and downs. my previous post abt praying and getting what you want works for me! its totally amazing!!! considering how long ago was my last time alone with God and service!!! but even with those gaps in my action of love to His Faithfulness, He remains my anchor and my lips never stop declaring His love and truth for me.

in the draft rooster i was allocated a morning that sat but the actual had it changed to pm. i had already made plans and in the end when i checked what was going to be my assignment on sat (on a fri pm) i was shocked to had it shown PM shift (nvr mind i was i/c or jr)! boy! i panick sia... back home i was planning how to shift or move things ard. so in the end was... que sera sera... although i did pray abt it (my pray =/= closing eyes + chanting long time but was just a honest simple request sauced with lots of oh shit, oh no and argh... watever now...hahaha) i think hubby prayed too?! i nvr thot anything will change but it did! @ 5.57am someone called me on my hp and called me back to work! my shift officially changed to AM as it was initially reflected on my personal calendar! haha... i was freaking amazed and thankful. thus i didn't turn out grump and upset for being called back to work. 2 poor girls got tummy-ache over their festive season, must be damn suay for them. HAPPY level = 89%

Quick check on my room- not full housed but relatively fine pt (but mostly attention-seeking) iv-not too terrible much. but it being a sat = no students and also...no floater! its just me and young staff. HAPPY level = (down slightly) 85%

At work...young staff->slow. ok, i can understand, new mah. i help no problem. young staff not particularly service orientated...mm...a little disappointed but managable. young staff no sense of urgency...err...never mind... different pple different style... sigh. at the end of the shift, i realised how helpful i was! so unlike me! i think i must had been too happy to d/c my bed 8 and to had my shift turned AM. but the conclusion was... what sort of teacher = what sort of student. (i panick to think my 'baby' is going to be like me -> grumpy and terrible w pple! haha... and my work isn't that great lor. *faint*) HAPPY level (affected by physical condition) = 70%

stayed back to clear my d/c files but before that... row call til 4pm!! argh... i hate it! just before passing report, a pt's drip site was leaking. tot i told my jr to off plug 1st later i'll set (since its not in her JD) but 2 hrs later the plug is still there but drip clamped. my jr no understand english issit? (actually i think she really no understand english, must talk easy easy n slow slow one to her if not she no catch ball. i sad sad for her) weird family members... seems can only talk to me like tt. i say wait while i clear something. 1 family member said "lan.... lar, wait wait wait" i stop my work, stared her in the eyes. felt like going over there and slap her on her mouth for being so crude and uncivilised! but i didn't, Kat said i did it good! although she did turn red after i stared at her, i felt my anger not vent leh... argh! after 5 mins, i resite the plug (thanks to Sun for taking off the plug in the meanwhile) HAPPY level (whats w the char bo!?) = 55%

called Kat to meet her to deal w the travel stuff... she can't make it. =( the auditing dragged me til 5pm!!! HAPPY level (whats w the char bo!?) = 50%

heard so many people leaving... even a senior whom i often looked up to as someone with strength, knowledge and quality. my heart went crazy a little and some saddness rushed up only to be pushed down by my super logical thinking... 'aiya, eventually everyone will leave nobody and nothing is forever.' HAPPY level (@ this point... wat happy level sia..damn cannot make it liao lar!) = 39%

dinner wasn't that great to turn the table round. in the end slept very early. HAPPY level overall ... low. but would had been lower if not for God's morning intervention. More of such cool act, GOd!

Dying

there are tons of people out in the world praying, begging and trying to cheat to gain 1 more day to live as a human to breath and enjoy the pollution of the world but at the same time tons of people are doing the same thing praying, begging to die, to some they decided waiting is too slow and painful so they cut themselves, hang themselves or jump down somewhere they think is deadly enough.

Dying might be the end to the trouble they face in the world but in the afterlife? nobody can say for sure that these people who had ended their lives prematurely will indeed R.I.P or will they be ripped apart as mentioned in the folktales of the 18 levels of hell. i do follow the korean entertainment news via some interesting blog sites and those suicidal news makes my blood boils! if they are in so much stress quit lar! not like they have no money to do so. but i guess its beyond that. actresses and actors are emotional lot, for them their feelings might really overpower their brain, i suppose. so when the emotions build up and start eating them up from inside; regardless of commitments or religion they will opt for the easy way out? but... *sigh* of all those that had committed suicidal it seems they are all Christians! aiyo...

No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and [1 Cor 1:9] God is faithful, who will not allow you to be [2 Pet 2:9] tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it.

Perhaps suicide is a temptation, an easy way out given by the devil to lure us out of the glorious victory that the Lord had prepared for us after the period of trial. But in this microwave era are we patient enough to wait out the period of trial and pain to reach for the gold in the end of the journey? If the pain is indeed unbearable tell it to God and if it is His will to relieve us of the pain, He will in His plans and ways bring us home to where pain no longer exist, where rumors no long hurts and where friends no long smiles just to hide the knives that they actually carry along to hurt.

[1 Cor 9:25; Phil 1:30; 1 Tim 1:18; 6:12] I have fought the good fight, I have finished [Acts 20:24; 1 Cor 9:24] the course, I have kept [2 Tim 3:10] the faith

True account:
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I had a patient once, she was a renal patient. She had the disease in her late 30s. Because of her illness, she no longer could enjoy her food and not only were there restriction on the food she can consume, it restricted the amount of water she can drink. Peeing was an obsessive thing to her. To her being able to pee was achievement! Cuz more renal patient's kidneys will eventually fail totally and the ability to pee will reduce to zero!

From meds she progressed quickly to dialysis. She hang in there for her only daughter. Her husband had passed on. Her daughter employed a maid to care for her mom but she was not able to be there all the time for her mom. Dialysis isn't as simple as creating a graft for dialysis and it will be good forever! 3 times per week, the patient has to travel to the dialysis center. In the progress of dialyses risk of infection and sudden blood pressure crash are always there. Patient will be tired and drained, sitting in a chair for close to 4 hours and having the hand stretch out to allow the exchange to take place. Its boring and saddening.

This patient of my, was a semi-regular patient. Coming in and out although not very often but often enough for us to know her. She was super not compliance to meds and restriction. She will sneak out to the then Kopi-Tiam and eat Kway-Chap (pig organs) on the days before her dialysis as she believe the dialysis will 'wash' everything out. She will drink as she wish and eat as she pleases. While the nurses will nag at her non-stop, threaten to call the Dr and her daughter to report on her misbehave, she will only think of better ways to dodge from our 'radar'.

The last time I seen her admitted was for a blocked AVG. The graft for her dialysis was blocked and it was not unblocked by means of meds. Numerous attempts for new lines to be established failed. It was not only painful to her but frustrating for us too. Every other day we were sending her down for procedures and at the same time she was not listening to us. Wanting everything her way. I remembered telling her that if she wants to be well she must co-operate with us, if not how can she be well and go home? I even spoke to her daughter on the phone and asked her to help talk to her mom. She did but she can't make her mom be good too. In fact her mom just kept pestering her to bring her(pt) home. To the point the daughter don't want to talk to her mom unless she listen to the Drs and the nurses. It worked for awhile only.

During my night shift, I found the patient waking up in the mid of the night coughing. B'cause the cough had kept her from sleeping, she sat up in the bed and started praying. I knew she was a Christian cuz I had seen her church members and friends came praying for her. But when I walked nearer, I heard her prayed "God take me with You. Take me home, God. I am suffering. Why do you want to make me suffer?" and she repeated the prayer non-stop. I walked to her and advise her to get some rest while telling her that God wants you well so she should not pray that way.

I continued to see her for the next few days and everytime when I hear her pray, she will be praying the same old thing - wanting to die. You know how God always grant every earnest worshipper an answer to his/her prayer?

And he said unto them, Which of you shall have a friend, and shall go unto him at midnight, and say unto him, Friend, lend me three loaves; For a friend of mine in his journey is come to me, and I have nothing to set before him? And he from within shall answer and say, Trouble me not: the door is now shut, and my children are with me in bed; I cannot rise and give thee. I say unto you, Though he will not rise and give him, because he is his friend, yet because of his importunity he will rise and give him as many as he needeth.
And I say unto you, Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened.
If a son shall ask bread of any of you that is a father, will he give him a stone? or if he ask a fish, will he for a fish give him a serpent? Or if he shall ask an egg, will he offer him a scorpion? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children: how much more shall your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to them that ask him?
Luke 11:5-13

Well... on the day of my off... she passed away. I can't remembered how she died but she did. So why end it prematurely? If it was indeed so unbearable, pray. He will never give a stone if we ask for bread. He who grant health will grant death too (if its in His will for us).

Blessing to you who may be suffering.