esther ma_ma?

haha... that is what josephine love to call me. haha... if it was called in term of some korean style it should means that she is calling me "lady esther" but i know she meant to call me mama as in mummy or mother lor. haha.. i fat fat so she feels i am so motherly?! haha... funny but sweet.

i tried to be the mummy that i expect myself to be, to the baby of our ward. she is surprisingly not so young lor. she is 22!! hehee... but both our brothers are 15! =P trying to bridge our gap, i asked her out for dinner. we chat a little here and there; about adjusting to the new ward and how life was it like in her 'old' ward. indeed it is different. but wards are like human, no 2 are exactly the same mah. there were awkward silent periods in between cuz i was really tired. =(

we chat a little on expectations and the danger in work. haha... i tried to brain wash her into believing that life is evil, people are non-trustable! haha... no lar... you think i am really that terrible meh?!?! i can see that she is an achiever, setting goals and expectations for herself, wanting to prove she CAN DO IT yet everything she kena was rather shitty. poor girl...

she set a plug but plug get out of vein within 3 hours cuz pt kept accidentally pull and twist it. IDC insertion - the site was so difficult to find and she was too gentle and careful, so took 30 minutes also cannot make it in. but dare not call for help til i peek in and caught her reassuring the pt but actually telling herself that. cuz too much time was wasted and i can't stand standing there holding the light while she kept trying and the pt kept whining. i did it instead. BIG BLOW to her ESTEEM i think. NGT insertion - pt is not a good candidate lor. pt cough cough and tube end up going in thru nose and out the mouth. *faint* but the ambulance was coming liao. i took over and inserted the tube instead. DOUBLE BLOW?! here comes the TRIPLE BLOW! her 1st 3 cases for ic was sucky cases too. 1- had to do 2d echo and was DIL ACTIVE lor. 2- stayed for ~3 weeks and was for d/c to hospice. 3- plain crazy and idiotic case lor. if she had easier cases and smoother skill practises she will gain more confident and be more energised bah.

i think what sadden her to tears are not my comments or what i had said but how she had interpret herself to be. well, at least i am not dealing with a kid that heck-care how the world functions or refuse to admit her lack. i am sure she will make it through and shine in her own special ways...and i don't think she is weak at all lor...