me toilet bowl? hehee...

my previous entry rambles abt how i was clearing shit and that the next morning will be a great big unknown to me.

slept at abt 2am, woke up at 5am. reach ward at 10 minutes to 6am. completed all my medication IV and oral by 7.30am. i came earlier cuz i wan't to space out enough time to follow the round of those "problematic" cases and to receive scolding while still have ample time to do my changes, take bloods and write reports. but... 人算不如天算!

God was so graceful and merciful to me! thank You, Jesus! the Drs didn't scream at me regarding the late despatch for bed 3. they did ask but that was all. everyone was in a good mood. the consulatant for bed 11 was on post call and she didn't even notice abt the pre-HD bloods thing. thus she didn't demand anything. thank God! bed 11 will be going to HD on tuesday so we will do it again then. the great thing is that she had remain aferbile for the past few days so c/s isn't that top priority now. the dengue specimen for bed 7 which was extra didn't get its due attention too. cuz the patient is already +ve for that with the result from the 1st specimen.

on top of it, my jr was great! i think i had worked them to death! i pity V and my baby. but i also got help lor. i brought 2 patients for showers, sponged 1 and toke bloods and get plugs. =) but my poor jr did their charts, 4 dressings (thank God, all are simple ones) and 5 sponging! on top of that V also helped me with the h/c. she is really nice and i felt bad being so 'lazy'. apart from the bld c/s cuz pt kept having high temp (which could be due to a faulty themometer) there aren't too much orders. =) i am pleasently surprise cuz our consultant today is known for being very detail and loves ordering LOTS of changes!!

today is a good day overall speaking. 1 d/c that was easy and straight-forward, good pts and a peaceful room. but for my neighbour room... it was another story! a loud and VERY VERY angry man- shouting over some trivial matter... i pity my dear Alvin. but that i will save for another entry! =)

clearing shit ...again

yes, as my post had it... i had taken over shit from the previous shift yet again. i can almost envision myself being F@cK and screamed at by a few big shots tomorrow AM! *sigh* what else can i say?! its too common for such shit to happen lor...

Ag NC M was so amazed that i was so "cool" but i suppose that's because she had not had too much interaction with this infamous lady, that's why. Ag NC M was away for her adv. dip that was why lah... eventually it will come a time when nothing will surprise her anymore. =P

although the infamous lady M tried to make me feel better by telling me that she will be most willingly to be trashed by me tomorrow when i pass over to her, i replied in my most straight and black face "but the intensity will never be the same". true right? i should had replied "no lar, don't worry" if i wanted to let her feel better. but why should i? honestly, it seems rather evil of me to be that but why must i sugar-coat a mistake for someone who always get others and herself into trouble? why can't she learn? yah, it true that the mistaken had been made and that the event is over. there isn't anything left for us to do but to wait to see what will be of our 'fate' tomorrow. still... i have lots to learn and improve for my patience!

i came home and prayed for protection for mainly the shit that will be dished out tomorrow. but God is forever so willingly to love and comfort (despite of... He is really amazing sia...)!

Psalm 4:8 "I will lie down in peace and sleep, for You alone, O Lord will keep me safe" i think i will not think too much of it and sleep. whatever comes from the Drs i will gladly take it. will i trash infamous lady M? i might but maybe God will protect me so much that i can pass over happy like a doe?! i certainly wish i can! =)

He will make us whole

a patient passed away suddenly last night. she was chatty, very lovable and cute person. despite being all old and chairfast, she was well groom, often sweet smelling and the condition of her skin....wow... smooth and fair! life had been well with her, i bet she had been good person, gentle in spirit too. =)

i remembered her cuz she had an easy to remember name and she is one of those very nice lady. err... pretty too. hehehee.. i have a soft spot for warm ladies which reminds me of my own mummy and for pretty, lovely ladies that had aged gracefully. =) pt_Lu belonged the later. =)

pt_Lu was still breathing and talking 2 hours ago before her "byebye". asking my friend to off her fan but 2 hours later, while the girls were changing her...she was unresponsive. she was still warm but she wasn't replying to the girls. =( since i wasn't caring for her room, what i got to know was from my friends. poor student missy... her 1st "packing" started this way, heard she was badly shaken.

we were called in to help and i went. she was an active resus case. we did cpr, pump in oxygen and meds in attempt to bring her back. but it was too late. she was gone. she looked peaceful and i felt peace while pumping her. i knew she is with God, she was a believer. =)

after the event, i went back to my room. while washing my face, i had an image going thru my eyes. pt_Lu was outside a medical checkup room and while being checked, the "dr' said that she had xxxxxx problems and after that, she was healed. i "saw" her walking and smiling. i am sure she is whole again, just like we all know... there will be no sadness nor illness in Heaven! =) i glad she is well now and that she will be happy.

after night shift, i left for church. *excited* yippee!!! its communion weekend! that means there is grape-juice and wafers! hahaha... i love freebies so i am always thrilled by communion weekends! hahaha.... and most of all its a time to be grateful for His work on the cross and also a reminder for me that with Him all things are possible! while partaking the communion, i was reminded of pt_Lu, how she would be missing her communion. then God reminded me... pt_Lu won't need that symbol of Christ's body and blood that he had shed for us... pt_Lu will be dinning with Christ and God and all the saints herself, in person!!! now... isn't that more awesome than these plastic cups and crispy wafers?! heehee... =) i bet that would be damn cool...

this is 1 sudden death case that left me with the feeling of peace and serenity. =) PEACE BABY!

Angry

recently the ward had been thru a terrible time! there are so many death and near death cases in a short span of 1-2 months! and there was even a fall, although no animal and human hurt. still RMS and all those shit involved sucked my energy out!

because of all these happening i was really angry with God! i was angry cuz 1 pt which came in well suddenly collapsed! why?!!??? she was so well all the while! no active bleeding anywhere but she suddenly just flatten out! lucky she pull thru and was intubated to icu, recently she came back to us. she looks good but still not very well. then we had a few death cases. i was sad cuz that pt just got in the morning and left in the night. being the 'heng' one i was in the pm shift where she was still alive, restless and restrained.

between wed and thur, i discharged a good amount of pt although i stayed back to audit the casenotes til 12mn, i didn't managed to clear all. was too tired to stay so decided i shall do the rest the next day. but the next day new discharges piled up! but the shift was rather peaceful. as i was passing over shift, an old lady fell. the person directly involved was not me but i was the i/c. i needed to enter RMS. my 1st RMS and i was not even the one that caused it! and it was friday! my plan of attending the in-service talk crashed and then the RMS took up so much of my time that i had my 1st meal of the day only at 5 to 6pm! poor shan tot i was angry with her but i was more worried for her. wonder how her probation review will be! what a black mark on her career! after that dinner, i needed to relax a little then started auditing those piled up casenotes. then.... realised that some TCUs were not obtained and with 1... the Dr order after pt left! *faint* win lor... at 7pm i knew my chance of going back for cell group is almost zero liao.... i was so upset i wanted to cry! my head were getting light...

i was so angry with God. why didn't He protect the pt and shan? why let that RMS happen? why did the ward has so many happening! why do i have to clear this and that? why i was so dumb to miss the TCUs? i was so angry that i felt the surrounding spinning. but i tried to keep cool... did i manage? i don't remember but only knew i was very drained. came home, the cell had just prayed for me that my work would be completed and everything will be settled. i joined in the prayer but left to sleep straight after.

came sat. was on AM so woke up early and took a cab to work even though i was damn early. call for Mac to delievery to work even before i stepped into the ward. i wanted to treat myself to a good 'start' for the day. but i guess i was still very angry with God plus i was still very tired (or maybe cuz there were 2-3 new cases that came at 5.3o am that i needed to f/u on?) i felt like crying!! plus got an earful from the consultant for filing in the wrong doc into the wrong casefile. got a blood that came in at 7am but Z don't want to check. he wants to complete his round 1st! i kena 1 time the pro-long waiting time liao... now want to kena again?!?! but luckily Tan hk came at 8 something 9am and checked the blood and i managed to run it well within the 'shelf-life' of the blood. *phew* again there are d/c to audit. so i stayed back to do it. i don't like others helping me with that cuz i scare something not done proper, i will kena. so.. even when others offered, i said no. *sigh*

the minutes turned to hours and i was debating if i should go for service (sat). i was angry with God and i tot "maybe not going to service will show Him how upset i am with Him" but then again i missed God. i missed being in His pressence and that strong anionting felt being in the service. cut the long story short... i went to service. i was so tired that i kept my eyes closed to rest but my ears opened to ingest what the pastor had to offer. the message somewhat spoke to my current situation and i stepped out to the altar call with hundreds of the rest. it was a good time of ministry and receiving in faith. i believe things are going to turn for the better. the ward will be a better place, my life will be more fruitful and joyous. am i still angry with God? i don't know. cuz i don't feel so strongly anymore. but i know i am not contended with where i am now and i know God knows what i mean. by faith i claim for the unfulfilled promises and i will no leave it to chances. with awll my heart and mind and soul, i no longer want to go to where God is cuz that means i am still a distant away from where He stands. i want to be with Him in His work and holding His hand in all that i am involve in.