Tuesday, April 6, 2010
pinky n e brain?
the result for the yakda-yakda competition is out, i am not the speaker and i am not upset. it had been a interesting trip learning and observing how different people think and communicate. even more interesting is how people percieve things. hahaha... the ever so diplomatic me love peace and less arugment please. =) hahaha... anyway although i am not in the speaker group, i am still involve in the 'research' (side-kick) group. hmm.. now that i have 1 topic secured in my PPA what should i plan next? wohahaha..
this is what are actually want.
we are all just self centered individuals wanting the world to spin at our bidding. should we be given the power to dictate and bend the rule of life, may all expectations be answered and results be instant and painless. this is what we had all become.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
新不了情
re-watch this film again today. it had always been my favourite. its music, its story and the cast. it reminds me of the people that i work with daily. i may take it as a job and detest the wimpy and grumpy fellow that is lying on the bed. but like will i know of their past, present and future. i salute the family members that come daily to speak words of encouragement and faith into their love ones. while the fact is that they are the ones that really need those encourage and lift in their faiths. i may think they are being difficult but the truth is that is the only way they can express their love for their sick love ones. perhaps that is the only thing and method they can sense that little control in their lives that this point of time. perhaps the road along pallative, a good death is the best way to go. the truth at the end of the journey awaits the faithful one...
i had been thinking... so many people had express their interest in wound management and so had i. how many stoma nurse, wound care management nurse or even vascular do the nation needs? with the greying population and the increase of chronic illness management, perhaps i should pursue my interest in dealing with the dying? although i am high on mercy, i am intolerant to stuff that i can't control. death is certain but the time is beyond my call, the doctors not even the mediums in the temples. but its the will of God to bring the family, the individual through the suffering... who am i to say anything i always feel... plus i always free that a good death is one that not necessary prolong death but to reduce the suffering. i fear my emotions may overtake me and lead me astray if i walk into the grey... hmm... so where am i heading?
i had been thinking... so many people had express their interest in wound management and so had i. how many stoma nurse, wound care management nurse or even vascular do the nation needs? with the greying population and the increase of chronic illness management, perhaps i should pursue my interest in dealing with the dying? although i am high on mercy, i am intolerant to stuff that i can't control. death is certain but the time is beyond my call, the doctors not even the mediums in the temples. but its the will of God to bring the family, the individual through the suffering... who am i to say anything i always feel... plus i always free that a good death is one that not necessary prolong death but to reduce the suffering. i fear my emotions may overtake me and lead me astray if i walk into the grey... hmm... so where am i heading?
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
In sa Allah
am i happy? i can't answer for sure but at least i am getting by. once i can't understand why would and how could someone cry every morning when she reaches her office building now i do. the stress, anxiety and fear of facing the day and lots more. it doesn't matter if one if a believer or not, it's really hard to be all Godly and great in the face "danger". the 1 month of attachment does nothing to smoothen the transition but perhaps it did i can't say for sure too. hmm... so what is it that i am sure of?! 1 thing for sure is that i am still learning and sometime learning it the hard way. i miss the gentle reminders and the learning by observation and copying the seniors in my old ward. i miss those seniors that had all left for other postings and the fun way they interact with each other at work. still life goes on and i am still coping. with the help of God i shall too smile at the footsteps that i had left behind.
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Friday, December 25, 2009
i want out!
maybe its the lack of exposure, maybe its a habit or maybe its me having too much idealistic ideas of what should and should not be. the evil curse of being a student for too long?!
i had been posted to a new environment. from day 1 (even as a student then) i lamented about my plight. i was in a place where i didn't like from day 1 (it all goes back as far as when i was a year 1, 1st sem understudying person!) , i was to work with someone that i knew i can't get along well with (i had worked briefly with her so i think i know), i dislike the standard (as compared to the other places i had been to) and to make things worst the bosses are nothing like my ex-boss. =( my ex-boss was always organised and planned well into the future. although she goes by the books, her actions were always consistent and up to standard; for that i admire her.
incident 1
my 1st week in this new place, i was scold by one of the head for something someone did. i know no head no tail and was scolded. what can i say? i told her, i wasn't the one who did it and i was merely asking her if she would like to keep the equipment and ask those involve when they are back at work. she just replied, "its no excuse! u XX girls should know better. this XYZ isn't cheap and do you think the (other dept) is free enough to do these for us all the time?" my thots was... shouldn't as a leader, u direct the problem/ issue with the people/ person involved? don't vent it all on me! then later i heard she did scold those involved but just asked who send that equipment out. *boiling mad!*
incident 2
i am not against central messages but not when it conducted day, noon or night right outside of clients' room. clients are all within ear shots! and to make things worst the leaders were scolding the staffs! how will the clients think of the staffs?! mind u, its SCOLDING! unlike my previous workplace where such issues (scolding matters) are to be talked abt in the boss's office behind close door. and for every mistake done, it was presented as a learning curve not as a "trash" u session.
incident 3
the other dept staffs are arch enemy with my current work place staffs. instead of offering solution to help each other, everyone is just trying to get a piece of the other person. compassion? more like oppression.
incident 4
today its 25th dec, i reported to work as my schedule last checked was for afternoon work. i kept telling myself its ok. the workload will be light but i realised i was lying to myself the whole time. and when i finally discovery much later that i was suppose to be on public holiday which NOBODY had the courtesy to inform, i was asked by the head "so how huh? u want to go home now?" after i had worked for hours?!?!? and declared that i can't make it for my family gather?!?! wat's wrong with her IQ? do i look like i will jump at that kind offer?! cut the story short... i am getting my off on 26 dec. wat a joke!! i heard from some muslim staff that they were even schedule to work on their hari raya! talk abt cultural sensitivity...
incident 5
something happened during my work. its not something that was preventable at all, its a reaction of sort. so some reporting was required, the head called me in to tell her what had happened and so i did. i told her everything needed but i suppose her mind was not in it. and when another personale came she guided him in the reporting and when i corrected the information that she was giving the guy, she said "ai-ya that was not what u told me earlier?!" i was totally thrown off the deck! what did she mean by that? how can i had told her another thing when its written black n white on my report?!
incident 6
practices are not of norm from what i had practiced previously. i feel confused, frustrated and totally helpless. my teacher dared me 1st to change the culture and do what ought/ should be done but sorry... my power is weak and its such weak and frustrated feelings that made me into a multi-personality person. =( wonder what would she say if she see these?!
incident 7
i can't understand the mentality of the teams and clients. they all want to have their way but what abt the basic understanding of being a human- giving and taking, understanding and trust? sigh...
i am sadden by also the fact that i am not promoted. although i can cook up 101 reason why i am not promoted, i can't help the fact that i am upset. somehow i come to a conclusion...that is not to deny the fact of how i feel but be real with myself. grieving over it make it easier for my to move on and overcome it. perhaps, i am just not going to where i dream to be. it easier to stay status quo and enjoy my life... no point striving when nobody recognise anything. afterall its just a job that pays my bills.
i had been posted to a new environment. from day 1 (even as a student then) i lamented about my plight. i was in a place where i didn't like from day 1 (it all goes back as far as when i was a year 1, 1st sem understudying person!) , i was to work with someone that i knew i can't get along well with (i had worked briefly with her so i think i know), i dislike the standard (as compared to the other places i had been to) and to make things worst the bosses are nothing like my ex-boss. =( my ex-boss was always organised and planned well into the future. although she goes by the books, her actions were always consistent and up to standard; for that i admire her.
incident 1
my 1st week in this new place, i was scold by one of the head for something someone did. i know no head no tail and was scolded. what can i say? i told her, i wasn't the one who did it and i was merely asking her if she would like to keep the equipment and ask those involve when they are back at work. she just replied, "its no excuse! u XX girls should know better. this XYZ isn't cheap and do you think the (other dept) is free enough to do these for us all the time?" my thots was... shouldn't as a leader, u direct the problem/ issue with the people/ person involved? don't vent it all on me! then later i heard she did scold those involved but just asked who send that equipment out. *boiling mad!*
incident 2
i am not against central messages but not when it conducted day, noon or night right outside of clients' room. clients are all within ear shots! and to make things worst the leaders were scolding the staffs! how will the clients think of the staffs?! mind u, its SCOLDING! unlike my previous workplace where such issues (scolding matters) are to be talked abt in the boss's office behind close door. and for every mistake done, it was presented as a learning curve not as a "trash" u session.
incident 3
the other dept staffs are arch enemy with my current work place staffs. instead of offering solution to help each other, everyone is just trying to get a piece of the other person. compassion? more like oppression.
incident 4
today its 25th dec, i reported to work as my schedule last checked was for afternoon work. i kept telling myself its ok. the workload will be light but i realised i was lying to myself the whole time. and when i finally discovery much later that i was suppose to be on public holiday which NOBODY had the courtesy to inform, i was asked by the head "so how huh? u want to go home now?" after i had worked for hours?!?!? and declared that i can't make it for my family gather?!?! wat's wrong with her IQ? do i look like i will jump at that kind offer?! cut the story short... i am getting my off on 26 dec. wat a joke!! i heard from some muslim staff that they were even schedule to work on their hari raya! talk abt cultural sensitivity...
incident 5
something happened during my work. its not something that was preventable at all, its a reaction of sort. so some reporting was required, the head called me in to tell her what had happened and so i did. i told her everything needed but i suppose her mind was not in it. and when another personale came she guided him in the reporting and when i corrected the information that she was giving the guy, she said "ai-ya that was not what u told me earlier?!" i was totally thrown off the deck! what did she mean by that? how can i had told her another thing when its written black n white on my report?!
incident 6
practices are not of norm from what i had practiced previously. i feel confused, frustrated and totally helpless. my teacher dared me 1st to change the culture and do what ought/ should be done but sorry... my power is weak and its such weak and frustrated feelings that made me into a multi-personality person. =( wonder what would she say if she see these?!
incident 7
i can't understand the mentality of the teams and clients. they all want to have their way but what abt the basic understanding of being a human- giving and taking, understanding and trust? sigh...
i am sadden by also the fact that i am not promoted. although i can cook up 101 reason why i am not promoted, i can't help the fact that i am upset. somehow i come to a conclusion...that is not to deny the fact of how i feel but be real with myself. grieving over it make it easier for my to move on and overcome it. perhaps, i am just not going to where i dream to be. it easier to stay status quo and enjoy my life... no point striving when nobody recognise anything. afterall its just a job that pays my bills.
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