the role of a mother

the role of a mother is not easy. its a uphill task with mini rest stations but with no such thing as a downhill ease. perhaps to some theirs come with a motor cable car attached making it all pretty sight and no ugly pain. but mine comes with a good package deal. while i thank God that my baby is not those typical colic cry-baby, i get a fair share of worries and fear.

that day that baby was born. i worry if she had enough to drink and was she getting enough love and attention to feel as secure as she was in the womb. then came the jaudice, as a train nurse i can dish out advise and tell parents to ride it through and eventually baby will be fine. but as a mother myself, i dread that baby had to take infant formula for supplement and to prevent her from dehydrating. i fear the worst, what if baby jaudice level is so high that she needs transfusion or get organ/s damage?! when she finally gotten discharge, i got my restless nights but thanks to the help of my mom i gotten a good deal of rest time in the day. but whenever baby sleeps in my arms (she refuse cot!) i would consistently check if she is still breathing or not. i am still doing it now! the reports of SIDs are too alarming and scaring to ignore!!

i am proud to say that i am breastfeeding baby and she is gaining well. yet everyday i worry why is she having that much poo. and when her poo frequency reduce but quantity increased. i wonder is she ok?! and whenever she fart i fear that my diet had caused too much gas in her tummy causing her discomfort. never had i stop my worrying. =( i wish to be as great a mummy to my baby as other mummies before me. those who had displayed great ability to raise their kids, contribute to work and still can find time to go on dates and lovely trips with their hubbies. gosh... i don't think i can manage! even with my mother in law's help i am struggling with the upkeeping of my relationship with my hubby, fear of returning back to work and making sure i am doing all the right (textbook's golden standard) stuff to my little darling.

i don't know what it means to enjoy the joy of motherhood. was it a statement of sarcasm or perhaps i am missing a point somewhere?!?! hmm... sigh...

i am a "mummy"

have u heard abt it? i am a mummy...... to a student nurse (PRCP). she is a fair skin, slim and sweet young thing of 1.6-1.63m tall. wears specs, long black hair (no idea how long though) that is always neatly tied up in a bun. a malaysian-SG PR. she is a very cautious, shy and soft-spoken girl. a typical girl-next-door sort.

i was not her "birth mummy" it was aini but since their schedule was not very matching, this student was handed over to my care. hahaha... so i am her "adopted mummy" haha....

although she is not a very strong and fast learner, i think she is a keen learner with very positive outlook. she is very helpful too. =) she had been with us for barely a month yet i must had worked her to death! i wonder how she is taking it. =_=?! but of cuz, she never once grumble. she better stay that way! cuz i will be really offended if any them do! i will scream... @ them "u guys are here to learn one leh! give u learning opportunities still want to grumble?! we can complete our work faster and maybe better without having to keep u pple at the back of our mind, sia!"

still... it must be stressful for any student to do their PRCP lar... while trying their best to perform well, they have to get use to the environment, people, pts and all those orders vs forms vs tubes sort of shit. i was a student once and i knew it. my style of working- i like to process thoughts and work things out on my own before asking for help so i expect the same of my student girl- independent and confident. so i had been piling her with information and notes. *sigh* sometime i pity her too. but if we really take things easy and slow... we will never get to the mark in time!

my plan for her is for her to suffer thru intensive training for the first 6 weeks and then she ought to be able to function on her. but on second thot she has her own life to lead apart from nursing alone mah. am i expecting her to forgo her leisure time in reading up on meds and remembering FBC=purple (EDTA) tube, ECG + CE is every 8hrly?! *dilema*